showthepath

7th last day of 2010

2010-12-25T01:11:00.000+08:00

Hmm, Merry X'mas?

Just watched part of Mousehunt's Feed-Bake Friday. Can't be bothered to watch anymore... *yawn*

Twitter doesn't work on me right now (the whole page refuses to load), so that explains why I'm suddenly updating here.

Am rewatching the only Taiwanese drama I watched online. Hmph.

Goodnight!

P.S.: I believe I will post on the last day of 2010. This year hasn't really been a wonderful year, but there are things to be said. Remind me to post!

Older Faradaian guy without spectacles

2010-11-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Mdm Mariko I was fooled into thinking Convocation was tomorrow, not today. To come and think of it, this is the first Convocation I have not been to (due to duties!).

*stalks facebook for stuff except photos from convocation*

On a separate note and for the record, I have successfully launched myself into yet another crush. Oh the horror.

Saw on Facebook recently that "According to a psychologic study, a crush lasts a maximum of 4 months". I totally went "O_o" reading that. The current one feels like it's gonna lasts much longer than that...

But we never know. Let me confess one of my guilty things I did. Something I thought would last in the end lasted a period of around...okay let's round that off to 1 year. It's kinda scary to think that at the start I was all enthusiastic and passionate about it.

Okay I'm sure NONE of my readers would want to know about these kinda stuff, so let me talk about something else...

Yay I just hit 0.9 million gold on Mousehunt. The Great Winter Hunt 2010 seems to be launching soon and most of it is gonna happen while I'm stuck without Internet. Goodness gracious me! Thankfully being the clever and cunning Mousehunt addict I am, I decided to ask Wei Qi to help me play the game during the times I'm stuck without Internet!

Class outing this Friday... Hmm...

Why did I tell Mei Zhen about the answer to that headaching riddle instead of the others? Okay Verena was trying her best to avoid these kind of stuff to the extent of making herself ignore the fact that she likes a certain someone (whom I do not know), while Wei Qi did not seem interested.

Am I being selfish? But again, seriously, which person would choose friends who do not wish to hear themselves talk a bit more about the ups and downs in life? Humans are after all social animals and we wish to have that bit of ego to let certain conversations in our lives revolve around us and if possible US ONLY. We need that bit of attention, which sadly Verena and Wei Qi did not seem to give me.

Why on earth did I jump onto this boat which does not have the will to sail stably (okay is this a word?I really mean stable but it is not an adverb!) for me? Why, why, why?

Why do I end up with almost nothing at the end of the day? I can only look at Ivy and say "hey this is a real friend who would truly listen to me".

WHY THE HELL AM I IN A CLASS WHICH...

Argh forget about it. Time to make friends with Mei Zhen...?

I'm human. Gosh you need to know this.

P.S.: Title's talking about the "headaching riddle" I mentioned earlier. It's part of the hints...

P.P.S.: Should I delete/lock this blog up and let no one see it anymore? I have a pink blog somewhere in Xanga...

P.P.P.S.: What was Sidik thinking when he spread the word that I'm bisexual?!?! I've this homicidal urge to do something to Sidik. (!@#$%^&* - tons of swearing which I kindly censored for you, my dear readers)

Fuel exhaust pipes

2010-10-17T21:59:00.003+08:00

The more I go on, the more I think I've done something wrong by liking you.

And no I don't mean there's anything wrong by liking a person, but...

Liking YOU exhausts too much energy from me. And yes it's really too much for me. This has taken the worst toll on me ever since I started liking people (in that way). And this isn't because of any jealousy - it's just because of the way you treat people I guess.

I'd like something refreshing for once...

Oh gosh, this is the worst PMS I've had so far in my life. Throw in the K-drama 'Playful Kiss' (*cough* yes I know exams are coming...) and woah I break into tears pretty often just because that drama reminds me of something unpleasant in the past. (ABSOLUTELY NOT BECAUSE THE DRAMA IS TOUCHING OR EVEN MAKES SENSE.)

Throw in the fact I was in absolute misery - extreme pain during the first few lessons of Friday (was very glad Mr Tan decided to cover my question - don't even think I could stand up more then) - and yes this is my worst PMS. Or maybe you can take out the 'P'.

I'd better do my Chinese comprehension...

P.S.: I've suddenly lost all interest in those thoughts and ideas that friends like Wei Qi automatically reject. Hmph. Guess it's just because of the hormones? I better hope so.

=D

2010-10-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

Previous post was too revealing. But then again I think those numbered points can refer to two persons (insert facepalm here - hey is there a graphical smiley for this!!).

Loads of file checks due the coming week. Don't like English filing, never liked it. All the notes and worksheets and extra worksheets and practices and tests and extra model essays and articles - how the hell am I supposed to categorize every one of them properly!

I think English has become my most hated subject. History is not much better - except for the fact that Mr Lim is a nice teacher to have (for teaching - not extension of deadlines *cough*).

Am waking up at 5am tomorrow...to FILE ENGLISH. Oh yeah baby I have a good life.

No sorry I'm not very coherent.

I love my socks!

PS: =D is used when I don't feel that sane. ;D is used when I feel truly in a happy mood (and usually on MSN only).

Bitching + Choir

2010-09-25T22:08:00.002+08:00

I have the sudden urge to blog...

It's scary when your closest friends whisper secrets to each other and don't want you to know anything about it. My friend, I hate you - for trying to brainwash another friend of mine. To coerce her into doing something very characteristic of her. No that's not the point. I tried to do that much earlier than you okay?!?! And it's only now that she's trying to do that! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!

Bitch. (Now, I like bitches - you know, those whom people keep calling bitches behind their backs - but it's only when they don't try to backstab me.)

That was um, from Tuesday. I know the concerned people don't read my blog... Hell I need to go right to their face and tell them 'I hate you' and risk losing the rest of my friends?

From this I got to confide more in Ivy and strengthen the bonds of our friendship... So, from something bad I got something good out of it. Is that a good or bad thing?

Okay now I proceed to the girl who got 'brainwashed'.

I mentioned distinctly to you that to me people are either "strangers", "acquaintances" or "close friends". Considering that you know you are a close friend to me, you did this to me. So unforgivable! And during PE lesson the previous day I already told you that "I get jealous very easily". Damn you.

No, a simple "damn you" isn't enough. To hell with your problems.

这真是一场欢喜一场空。难道你就看不出来我是真的希望你不要把我当成那种“最不亲密”的亲密朋友？如果我可以的话，我还要和你成为形影不离的朋友。但是你就是不给我这个机会！难道我们没有在中一见面是我的错吗？相遇打交道太迟是我的错吗？

如果连正常关系的朋友都对我这样，那我还能说上什么追求自己喜欢的女孩子呢？

Darn it I have to take into consideration that my elder cousin follows me on twitter and my twitter page can take people to this blog...

For the last part of my chinese text, here is an emo elaboration why I'll probably never ever get her (and for the fun of it yes I won't be resizing the text or making it a different color - you may even laugh at me for all you want):

She's most probably straight (by telling from her actions and words)
And she has declared so in front of my face
I'm the most improbable person she can like even if she is interested in girls
We share totally different thought processes and IDEALS
Our idea of marriage and related topics are VERY different
She doesn't like me as a friend
Sorry in order to keep the bag tight to prevent the cat's escape, I cannot elaborate on the previous point
Last point is more of my problem, but the thing is she really ISN'T my type anyway. *jookee facepalm*

So there. Now laugh at my stupidity for liking such a girl - and very honestly appearances had nothing to do with my liking her. She doesn't have the looks anyway. (*Cough* I think people who know who "she" is will come after me with a knife or something similar after reading this sentence.)

Nothing else has been interesting of late, except for choir activities. Own school's CO concert went well, I think. Only saw the half before intermission and concert items are usually arranged so that the best ones are at the last. Noooooo, so Dr Hang's part must be real interesting?

Then there was that collaboration with NUS Choir and Singapore Chinese Orchestra. It was a real eye-opener (in both the normal sense and the "eye-candy" sense). I will blog about it when senior sends me the picture!

Damn I got hyper over guys in a choir... Oh man what is my world coming to. Soloist classical singers are okay but group classical singers? AWGAWD (hey that is a nice term, should try using it in the future).

Okay I still have got biology assignment unfinished (yes late homework). Need to go off now to sleep early... CIAO! (Hahahaha "O Bella Ciao".)

La Donna e Mobile

2010-08-25T20:37:00.002+08:00

I originally wanted to do another (more or less) hate post on another person, but since the time is such and my history source-based questions are not done yet, I shall more or less give the highlights.

First of all I have to confess that I am not exactly sure who reads my blog other than those who ask me about it... Yeah what's with all the anonymous taggers and all. But do take mind that I don't mind these anonymous tags (the more recent ones, not the past ones) because they all are related to one sensitive topic.

So guess, do you think I'm just trying my luck to see if this person will stumble upon my blog, or is it that I deliberately want to let her know? Think about it when you read on, 'cause for all you know I'm bitching about you. (By the way, it's not only one person, so if the following events sound familiar to you, keep your eyes peeled.)

-Start-

I must admit that I hate people I just can't understand no matter how hard I try. So first, to fully expound on the topic, I must start with those that I understand.

What happens when feelings are unrequited? If you are on the giving side, you must feel awful, but there must be at least one big, strong reason to keep you giving. I'm stuck in a similar situation, only that in my case I would say it's a more-than-friendship love, while in the case I'm talking about now it's loyalty. (That's why I feel loyalty is scary by the way, so I guess this means that well... Be careful someday I might betray you. You never know, but I think if you are loyal and understanding to me enough, I won't.)

What if you're on the receiving side? Would you feel awful? Would you feel honored? Would you feel good? If you're giving shit like "There's no such thing as purely selfless giving", then you must be wanting to push the blame to someone else. But the thing is that YOU are the one not respecting the giver's feelings, so how can you say that the blame is someone else's? Or is it that you know that the giver will ultimately blame herself for the things that happened? Are you taking advantage of that person who has given her all?

While you can say it's completely the giver's choice, are you giving her a choice to escape? To her this is a commitment which she can find no way to escape out of, while to you she is the willing party. Do you think she can break free without you saying so, or even, without you making way for her to escape? Emotional ties are harder to break than your tissues, so mind what you do, less someday when these emotional ties break, your tissues break as well.

Sorry but to make the curse worse, I hope you will, at most, get your feelings ignored by your husband in the future in the same way you are ignoring her feelings.

I hope she will never see this. I mean the giver, not the receiver.

There is another directly involved party but since I don't know her well I'll leave it alone. She's innocent and just trying to protect herself and that is all.

Now let me talk about the indirectly involved parties. Sorry but I will have to give letter names here... VERY SORRY but please understand that this is meant to be an inside business.

In the mentions above, the giver shall be A, receiver B, person I don't know well C.

In the indirectly involved parties, a certain selfish person Z, a certain person with zipped mouth Y, a certain person unable to give comments and real help X, and a certain person who didn't notice anything about her neighbors until she was bitched to W.

Aww man no guys inside there. Sad-face =(

Anyway, no indirectly involved parties are being realistically helpful here... Z wants to keep her friendship (I really really really wanna use vulgarities here but well...), Y has equal sense of loyalty with everyone involved, X can only comfort and give contextually useless suggestions (sorry for saying this, but if the giver is such a person, what works?), while W has vainly gave suggestions and tried to persuade on one side of the triangle.

Putting it in a clearer picture, this is how it looks like:

Near-zero interaction between A, B and C. Z and Y potentially hold the key to unlock certain mysteries. X and W provide as members of bitching circle. Anything else, I don't know, so if you are related to A, B, C, Z, Y, X, W or are any of these letters, you know whose side who is on.

Damn I want Sidik's brain right now. Situation's too complicated. Wait no Sidik's brain is not built to peacefully solve things. Okay never mind.

Now, Z. If you really want me to say what she can realistically do, I can only say that she must learn how to look at the big picture and not hide in her well. She's too absorbed in her well and wants to live and die in the well. She potentially holds the key to a potential solution - why? Other than trying to draw something out of the friendship she's trying to protect, I would say that she can actually facilitate communication between the crucial members desperately in need of communication (well I guess this is provided she will not add her bias into the messages transferred to and fro).

By the way I would say that shallow people irks me because there is no way reality is going to hit on them.

Then, Y. While I can say a zipped mouth helps save her life, a partially permeable mouth (is this human biology or is this alien biology??) helps save others' lives too... I'm sorry to say this but I guess SOMEONE's analogy of a wall... I'm believing in it now... Maybe...

Lucky my friendships are clear-cut. I either get ditched quickly, or I ditch others quickly... enough. As can be allowed in various situations.

If you ask me to give my personal opinion, I would say that well, nobody in the ABC triangle is at fault, but decisions made by certain person(s) may have a greater impact on the way things will turn out. In the WXYZ rectangle (nope it's not square, sorry), the key (if there is one) lies somewhere here.

Ahhhhh women are giving me headaches.

I wish she will be raped by some person.

2010-08-22T22:18:00.004+08:00

(Title referral: quoting Sidik, the term rape can mean it physically or emotionally. But I'm thinking I want both to happen. Not to Sidik's sister though 'cause that's none of my business.)

HATE POST WARNING! People close to me in daily interaction would most probably know who I'm talking about, except, of course, the person whom I'm dedicating this post to. She won't get it unless I print her name out here...

I hate this I hate this I hate this.

I've been seeing depressing messages on Twitter for the past few days. Ivy's constant emo tweets (both lyrics and non-lyrics) are not helping either.

I hate it when people get fed up with stuff... (e.g. Cheryl today and MJ a few days ago on Twitter.)

I hate it when a certain someone talks about certain things... (okay no example due to censorship.)

I hate it when others' lives sound so depressing when mine is already at a depressed mood.

God. What the hell is school doing to us? I wonder if hermits get it easier.

I've been in a swearing mood since 2 weeks ago (roughly)... I'm on the verge of saying the f-word (I wonder whose influence this is?) every single day and at most I will only mouth it out under my breath...

And this is not about tolerance! For instance, someone has been testing my tolerance level ever since... I met her. Yeah. Those around who have the ability to help (and know that I need help) usually don't lend a helping hand...

Oh yes and on this note, I OFFICIALLY HATE ANYONE WHO IS OVEREXCITED ABOUT STUFF. PERIOD.

Now I can TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW SHINI FELT ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS IN THE SAME GROUP WITH HER LAST YEAR FOR CERTAIN PROJECTS.

BUT NOW I'M STUCK IN THE SAME CLIQUE AS HER AND I CAN'T GET OUT.

THE WORST THING ABOUT HER IS THAT SHE DOESN'T GET HINTS UNLESS YOU MAKE IT BLATANTLY OBVIOUS IN HER FACE. SO WHEN YOU FIND HER DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR TOTALLY CONTRADICTING YOURSELF, IT IS DAMNINGLY HARD TO LET HER KNOW.

At least I know I have a kind heart.

But this is not good enough.

I wonder how she will survive in the future when she gets out of this school and meet strangers. (Cynical me is hiding an evil smile.)

And this whole thing is making me more evil...

If she sees this I know I'm not dead because she will never ever get this without anyone aiding her.

This feeling is like cursing at other people in another language, only it's ten times worse because I ACTUALLY WANT HER TO FIGURE OUT THAT I'M CURSING, DAMNING, SWEARING AT HER IN MY HEART. THIS IS AN INSULT TO HER INTELLIGENCE YES, BUT IT IS ALSO AN INSULT TO MY PRIDE, INTELLIGENCE AND TOLERANCE.

I'm a strong believer that world peace mustn't exist (and by world peace I don't mean just weapon wars between states).

Yeah man. ~~Goodnight.~~ No, I mean, Badnight.

Perfect disguise, no?

2010-08-08T11:21:00.003+08:00

I shall write this post in Chinese, for certain reasons that you'd know if you understand the following text without translating aids... (Hahahaha I feel evil toward those with bad comprehension of Chinese.)

But you'd understand my purpose of doing so.

我是真的不想让你知道，但是我的心快被这些沉重的感情压扁了。就算如此我还是得把我真正的心里话给隐藏着，因为我不要伤害我们的交情。

你可知道我心里有多难受吗？为什么你会进入我的生活里？为什么你让我觉得更自卑？为什么我选择不要妒忌你，而以宽容的态度接受你？为什么他人要把你扯到某个人的旁边？为什么这一切的结果是我不由自主地对你产生不该产生的感觉？

有时我问自己，我可以告诉你吗？可是，这就好像你已经知道一样，到处明示、暗示，使我无法自我安慰。现在，我还妒忌不知哪个人——一个身份不晓的人。这么荒唐的事我还是第一次听说过，而第一次也正巧发生在我身上。

Okay, because of my own poor Chinese (and also I keep thinking about it in English anyway), I shall not elaborate on the same thing further.

Next, maybe Ivy should take notice, since she till now doesn't understand me.

You think I'd base my decisions on character only? Then you're wrong. Looks play a big part here, and in this case unfortunately (for you) it plays an extra big part (hah!). Try browsing through her facebook profile pictures (especially those before I knew her) and you might be able to understand. Now how shall I explain the part about character? Usually the nicer a person is generally, the more I won't like him/her... There. I'm not the type who goes after gentlemen or gentlewomen, so naturally I'd like the nastier people! Meh.

So yes, unfortunately for you I like her.

Okay it's sad to start my 4 and a half days of no school with a pessimistic tone. Now, work!

Oh yes and Apocalyptica! THEY'RE AWESOME!

I met her in hell and there's no way I can like her now

2010-08-01T22:01:00.004+08:00

Well you can probably see that this blog is dying.

Oh, and I am letting it die just like that...

I don't know what is going on in my head. Sure, my future (personal future, not academic) sounds much better than the original deal now. Things sure have changed after I redefined my sexual orientation, after my father passed away, after I decided there's no big deal about a certain *him*, after I decided there's no big deal about a certain *her* either.

So what am I uncertain about now?

-recalling, recalling, recalling- AHA! Friends! Normal friends. Who is willing to listen to me when hard times come? First of all there's definitely Ivy. Followed by Cheryl. Followed by Meizhen and Jiahong. Followed by Wei Qi.

And guys? I suppose there's always Cyrus... Though we're not that close *cough, cough*. And once I had Timothy. Somehow I lost him after sometime... Not sure exactly when...

Following paragraphs are to elaborate on the previous post. Since it seems like everyone highlights it anyway, I'll not make any camouflage for this one.

How did I come to determine I'm bisexual? Or rather, how did I accept it? I asked myself quite a few times (not so many, to your disappointment?), and decided it has to be two things. One is the whole of last year, or more precisely the second semester where some things began to take form. Second is the judgement of the people surrounding me last year. (Now, halt your opinions - if you are going to say "Who cares about other people's opinions?!" then let me ask you "How else can I survive then?")

Both factors are interlinked. The beginning of last year was the arrival of the Bruneian scholars, and other than the obvious, the class size increased from 23 to 25. Now, 23 is a prime number, and when there are groupings guess how the class is divided? 4 groups of 6 or 6 groups of 4, 3 groups of 8 or 8 groups of 3. There were 15 guys and 8 girls. Nicer number for the girls than the guys but for the guys it haven't been a huge problem anyway. Then, 25 is a square number. Aha! 3 squared number of girls + 4 squared number of guys = 5 squared number of people in class. (Recall: Pythagoras' Theorem) Brilliant Sidik had to suggest 5 groups of 5 everytime any teacher says 6 groups of 4. Oh of course there are others but I distinctly remember Sidik. It's part of the reason I dislike Sidik. Guess who suffers? Girls! I recall Jiahong and I doing the ecosystem project for biology... Alone... At least Ms Feng didn't force us to reform our group or anything like that...

To think I came home three times (roughly) complaining about this and once I came home crying about it. Yes, the crying part was when I got into a group with Kendrick, Kenryk, Lim Jeck and Clarence. Dudes I'm fine with the other guys but not Clarence. It's such a hurt to my pride! It's not about ego anymore - it's about my pride! My female pride, partly. (Now, thinking back, I'd say I feel greatly insulted - it was a great insult to my intelligence.) I remember someone asked me if I was okay with the grouping and I just sniffed her suggestion to ask if people wanna regroup away.

Okay, then another thing is about Ms Lau. Though I definitely cannot say anything derogatory about anyone here, at first I thought the only problem-causing factor was her absence (causing people like Sidik to suggest 5 groups of 5...?). But when she came back from her maternity leave I realized it's definitely not that. There was a definite lack of understanding somewhere. From then on I lost my trust (not completely though, just in case if you're wondering) in teachers, especially mentors...

The thing about Semester 2 definitely doesn't end here but I cannot mention the other things. Now, opinions.

Let me start with how I interpreted certain people's opinions... (AT THAT TIME)

Ms Lau: Too quiet, need to voice opinions in class

Ivy: Bossy sometimes but at least she understands me (around there, can't remember much - there seems to be a gap between year 1 and year 3 in my memory for Ivy)

Jiahong: Cool tablemate! :D

Certain guys in class: I'm avoiding her.

Cyrus: She's okay what. She doesn't talk much but I can tell she's thinking and analyzing the situation.

Quote from Cyrus, who was quoting some guys in class: "Every girl in 203 is problematic in one way or another, except Ya Wen and Deborah."

Now the last one, it makes me seethe with anger every time I think about it. FUCK you, whoever said it. OH by the way FUCK those who so obviously should be Facebook friends with me but are not. Having my brother discover part of my failed love life and win me in terms of Facebook friending is just so uncool.

Oh and one more thing. I definitely disagree with the second part of the quote from Cyrus.

I wanna cry now. Ivy's too emotional sometimes so how can she understand what I'm thinking in my perspective so while she's there thinking about her in-class-neighbour I definitely have not found a person who understands me better than Ivy so the conclusion is I'm stuck with Ivy. Oh D:

At least Ivy agrees with me about something (whether a certain person is demoralizing) so yay I'm happy. I'm betting no one else I know would agree with me.

Okay I was digressing. Now, snapping back to topic. Why do I care? Obviously I am a person who wants to be approved by many, many people, quite characteristic of a firstborn whose first example was the parents. Approval by parents, approval by siblings, approval by teachers, approval by classmates, etc.

I definitely have issues when it comes to approval by parents, approval by Ms Lau (*cough*) and approval by certain classmates. So there. Opinions are important because I seek opinions to further build my confidence (and at the end of year 2 my confidence was practically non-existent - okay I admit it's exaggeration but you do get the picture, yes no?).

Now how does this explain my fear of becoming a lesbian...

Oh yes do you observe something up there? I seemed to be in a desperate need to escape then... And aha, I found bisexuality and took solace in it. There's definitely some unrequited love (awwwwwwwww) involved in liking people of the same sex, but I don't mind endurrrrrrrrring. Oh yeaaa.

End of post. Seems like it's quite a good read huh?

P.S. I tried my hardest not to mention in detail anybody I like(d) or any related issues up there. It was very hard to stop myself, but I had to, 'coz well, you know, people I know and people I don't read my blog. In this case I'm not so okay if *people* I know reads about anyone I have taken a secret liking to!

P.P.S. Sorry for writing in italics and making your head tilt so long and hurt now. Oh, my head's hurting after typing this and tilting my head for so long! Okay time for non-italics.

NORMAL FONT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SORRY INSANITY GETS INTO MY HEAD MORE AND MORE AS THE DAY GOES ON AND ON.

GOODNIGHT! *MUACKS* (damn this is gross)

Characteristics of a Heartbreak

2010-07-12T21:29:00.003+08:00

Sentences below is not fit for everyone's eyes - view at your own risk (by highlighting) and I shall not be held responsible.

I'm deathly afraid that I might turn into a lesbian.

Or maybe this is just a "depressed" phase of my sexual orientation change?

It was rubbed into my face, though not intentionally. *stares at title of post*

Holiday Plans FAIL

2010-06-11T20:28:00.002+08:00

Holidays are here, two weeks ago. Let's see if I've done anything I wanted to do...

Watch Korean dramas. -check-

Well yes I surely did something. Almost watched a 167-episode drama (Hearts of 19/Pure 19) in whole. Luckily I was smart enough in the end to figure out that I couldn't, because it will be the second time I'm watching it, and since Channel U is gonna show it again anyway, I shouldn't. So far, I've tried to rewatch Goong (but failed, 'coz I hate that Yul!), watch Prosecutor Princess ('twas nice, the male lead's hot), and Personal Preference (not yet finished, though I suppose we can always bank on a happy ending with these kinda stuff).

Blog designing. -1/8 checked-

Y'know, procrastination in progress.

Visual Studio simple application creation. -not checked-

Eh, partly procrastination, but I've got no real, wonderful, that kinda *BINGO* ideas.

Stalk Ivy. -half checked-

Have done the GIT copy-and-paste process, but just haven't gotten to studying them yet. Her blog posts are, well, too hard to "analyze".

Stalk Jiahong. -not checked-

It's kinda hard. We'll see. Fan club was down to zero post quality and zero interaction this week.

Stalk someone's blog. -not checked and dumped-

I give up. There's no need to know a person that thoroughly, and those posts are kinda boring in the past anyway.

Meanwhile, HI CYRUS.

Our level's got an awesome community of LGBTA... Though I haven't seen "L" and "A" emerge yet, and transexuals are hard to find 'coz none of us has tried anything much in Bangkok. But we all agree that certain people have confused gender, yes?

Sheesh I'm sick of my own blog design already. Let me try to do something now...

Btw I will be off to Batam for the next week. Will be back before Father's Day.

I want your ugly, I want your disease.

2010-05-10T17:47:00.007+08:00

Hmmm the exams are over, and I wish to bring up an exceptional case to my theory of "test-term blogging". Test-term blogging is defined as unusually more frequent blogging in the midst of or slightly before the exam/test period. Well, apparently this phenomenon did not appear this time round. Why, you ask me?

I've a great mountain-ish pile of homework that the Bottomless Grave trap (warning: MouseHunt game terms) cannot contain the whole pile.

And, even more epicly, I just submitted (methinks; Insan just helped me submit it - thanks!) the History article project to Mr Lim, our dear discipline master and my history teacher.

It did not feel like exam at all. To be truthful, if I flunk it this time round, even though I can say I've a valid reason, it's not valid enough for me to face a mirror and to face...well, that tablet thingy that states the name, time and date of birth and departing of the deceased. (I have not an inch of an idea how to say it in Chinese, even!)

But let me digress.

I am eager to face the holidays now! If the choir stuff can be excluded it definitely would be tons better.

Temptations 'n' feelings a-running high! Psst, it's human temptations that are considered quite sinful (in Buddhist and Christian contexts - but not all of 'em, of course). --looks around and stares at nails, hair, shoes, the "Wikipedia" button-bookmark, the GIMP program, Notepad program in Courier New font, Visual Basic program, www.mysoju.com, etc.

I'm lovin' Lady Gaga all over again. Mmmmm. Bad Romance yeahhhhh. Explains the title quite obviously, no? BAD ROMANCE IN ROCK MODE. TOTALLY ORGASMIC. HAHAHAHAHAH.

Holiday plans are a-coming up!

1) Stalk Ivy. We've already been doing this with some resources such as the school's wireless internet and devices.

2) Stalk Jiahong. This may fail as she is a professional at dumping people. Guys, watch out!

3) Carry out the JIAHONG! fan club plan series. I should post it up soon and make it official.

4) (this is um, personal) Stalk -someone- by reading the blog. Should be relatively easy as compared to plans related to Jiahong, despite the large archives.

5) I don't know. I miss 203 Nov '09 Chalet.

Other plans are personal and does not involve other people, e.g. recreational activities like playing the violin.

Okay I need to change the topic...to something else more serious in tone, and is in fact related to the first portion of the previous post.

I JUST REALIZED I GOT THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER WRONG.

"Don't worry, this has happened before." WHAT? NOOOOO! BECAUSE I GOT THE LIST WRONG I MESSED UP MY PRIORITIES.

Let's say in the current list, 12th is X, 13th is Y (okay this is coincidental, but 13th's name doesn't have Y anyway. just a disclaimer, just so you know since "y" is a pretty sensitive letter here huh, *cough* ), 14th is Z. Instead of it going "..., X, Y, Z, ..." it should go "..., Z, X, Y, ...".

SKIP THE NEXT PART IF YOU DON'T WISH TO KNOW ABOUT SOME PRETTY DETAILED ANALYSIS (highlight if you wish to know):

I thought I loved X much more than all the other people. Because I could hate X too. It's a love-hate relationship anyway. Well so X somehow became a prioritized target of mine and most of the day I think of X too. Bad for my conversations. Meizhen was the first to notice and tell me, "Eh, everything you say is about X." Oops, yes I know it's a bad habit but habits are hard to change :X

Then I tried very hard to remember whether the later part of the list is in the correct chronological order. Then I realized it wasn't. You may say this isn't a big deal, but it is to me. I'll tell you why.

I can live with Z and breathe the same air with Z. However, I can't live with X and breathe the same air as X. X has this really, really suffocating effect on me. It's a wonder I'm not dead yet from the suffocation. (This has already created the pulling-out-hair effect on me, long before the one about Z, as told and emphasized in the previous post.)

I think, I love Z much more than X. I can embrace Z and tell Z about my love for her, while I definitely can't do it the same way with X.

I am fearful of X's comments and nature. No, "fearful" is not the word. Replace it with "deadly afraid", please.

The funny thing is that while X and Z have both publicly declared they're straight, I suspect I can "convert" Z. No, people who are reading this, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to try it anytime soon. I'm still in mourning, okay! And underaged too!

Okay that's over. I think most of you will still try to read that sub-passage anyway, out of curiosity. Just don't say I didn't warn you. And don't try to refute what I'm thinking and/or give me that horrified look. GAY RIGHTS, PLEASE PEOPLE.

BITCH RIGHTS TOO. (Originally I considered putting it as "bimbo/bitch rights", but I decided that bimbos are too much for me :X)

I don't mean bitching about people, I mean people who have been or are considered to be bitches.

Bitches bite. But their bites seem to heal better than those non-bitches anyway. At least for me.

I <3 censored

2010-04-19T19:27:00.004+08:00

I SO BLOODY WANNA TELL THE WORLD I FREAKING LIKE FOURTEENTH!

14TH! IT'S A SERIAL NUMBER INSIDE THE LIST OF "CRUSHES".

BUT I DO CRINGE AT THE WORD "CRUSHES" SO LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE WORD.

For now it's just called "The List".

The "I-so-bloody-wanna-tell-the-world" feeling does not exclusively apply to 14th only. It applies to 8th and 12th as well.

I so bloodily regret coming to Singapore now. Stupid ideas. Stupid global awareness. Stupid this, stupid that. Even though it made me a more open person, I'm TOO OPEN (in Ivy's standard, at least).

People stare at me unbelievably when I tell them stuff about 12th and 14th. The only people who could really attempt to accept me for who I am are Wei Qi and Meizhen. I remember Meizhen's reaction (not the immediate one though) goes something like, "This point of view is interesting(!)" in the enthusiastic tone.

It's more or less a public fact... With the not-so-direct hinting I once posted on my blog (try scrolling down - it should be on the same page), I discovered people with "similar interests".

And after Claire's performance with Kuoxuan, I start to wonder about Cyrus. I think he's heterosexual (i.e. straight), but we never know. For one, the performing duo was, well, a good combination. Claire totally chose the right person, no sarcasm intended and I'm really truthful and earnest about this. If Cyrus is really straight I'd rather someone else go up on the stage with Claire. That's why I'm slightly pissed at the people who were teasing about Cyrus being broken-hearted. Still, we never know.

Oh, and does Cyrus read my blog...? I don't think so. If you're there, tell me! =D

Hi CYRUS!!!

Ello peeps. I've finished bitching about my own sexual orientation and others'.

Ahhhhhh.

For Jiahong's birthday present, shall I design a pretty blogskin for her? ;D

THE JIAHONGAGA! (no offence meant, Lady Gaga)

24 March 2010

2010-04-02T20:59:00.002+08:00

It's been ages since I posted.

Many things happened. Not many people know about it.

I am a shameful owner of guilt now. I don't think I'd ever get past that.

Wei Qi was the first person to know... Followed by the people around her at that time, on their way to school. Then Ya Wen.

And I remember Wei Qi's reaction was "Is this a joke?" and after the call ended, "Did I hear wrongly?"

Nah. Even I can't believe it myself at that time.

When he fell I wasn't at home. I was tens of kilometres away, in school. I was staying back for the rehearsal for the VIVACE concert at night. At that time, I was with Verena.

I blamed myself then for going to the rehearsal. I blamed myself for taking violin. Even now I am still blaming myself occasionally.

Now, whenever I see Verena, I'd recall that fateful night when I was talking about pointless stuff with her. I'd recall my guilt and my absence from his side when he fell.

There was no sense of immediacy when he fell. Nobody came out to investigate. It was only minutes later that he was found. Maybe if I were at home it won't get this bad?

I love you.

I won't get too depressed, but hey, there's the guilt.

No reason to cheer up right now.

Thanks to those people who turned up on Friday night and Saturday.

An update you can hardly even see.

2010-02-27T09:52:00.003+08:00

I've come to realize that even though there are drives for me to keep blogging, I'm lazy to do it.

Recent favourite music is No Boundaries by Adam Lambert. <3

There are a lot of politics within the 305 girls. There are almost-constant bitching about a handful of them... In addition, well there's the blatant fact that "innocent" (this is the best and shortest description) people drives me nuts. There's an obvious communication wall which they don't realize. --Cuts out all the high-quality mean stuff I can say--

Then there's CCA. The "enthusiastic" cliques gross me out. But, well, at least we're united by our detestation of a person, as well as the related persons. (Xinyi got a solo part?! WTF.) This, for one, makes me even more determined to learn violin more fervently and quickly master it. Or else, there's always that alternative exit which I would not regret.

Academic-wise, oh no I'm not catching up. There were times when I have 4 hours of sleep per day. Uh-oh. I'm so looking forward to the e-Learning Week! (:

Games are hard to quit once you have a high level. (refer: Facebook games)

I've heard that "strangers" (well, Facebook "friends" in other words) read my blog, and even my private blog. I declare that everything on my public blog is meant to be public. Also, I declare that every public element on my private blog (more than half of my posts are private-d) is meant to be public. Therefore, do not doubt that I accidentally "public-ed" any of my posts. (For Angel, choir junior, told me last week she thinks I should "private" my latest post on my private blog.)

Let me further elaborate. Even if I'm referring to crushes as Cardinal Numbers, I'm not revealing their names, am I?! It's not as if I mind people knowing I'm referring to crushes with all those Cardinal Numbers. I know it's damn freaking obvious, so IT SHOULD BE VERY OBVIOUS THAT I MEANT THE PUBLIC TO KNOW THAT I'M REFERRING TO CRUSHES THAT WAY.

I can't stand conservative people. I really can't. So, it's a good thing to know that Wei Qi is less conservative in terms of her thinking than, let's say, Ivy. Much less.

Speaking of that, well people don't doubt what I feel about myself. THAT MEANS:

WHEN I SAY SEXUAL ATTRACTION IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I THINK HE/SHE IS SEXY. IT MEANS I WANNA SOMETHING ELSE.

Urgh. If anyone doubts my sexual orientation again...

I have half a mind to blog later, here, about yesterday. Let me think about it and I will tell you my decision on Twitter after my Math Olympiad lesson.

Late days early days

2010-02-10T22:09:00.003+08:00

Hey look, there's a new post!

Well, technically I'm supposed to be doing math assignment, history SEQ and research for english presentation now. I'm blogging because I think the lunar year is coming to an end and Valentine's is near! In other words, another reflection time!

This post shouldn't go to my private blog because well, I think it's more accessible here. Who reads my private blog anyway? Most of the posts are "protected" or even "private". If you're Wei Qi or Mei Zhen, I think I can let you two in on my protected posts...

Let's face it. I miss 203. I miss all the loooooong breaks. I miss the classroom. I miss-- Okay, many things.

I feel there are unsaid things between Jiahong and I. I feel Cheryl should have come up with more jokes (higher frequency I mean). I feel I should have gone home with Cyrus more. For the last point, I've been, like, trying to make up for it by saying hi to him whenever I see him. For the others, I don't think I've done anything.......

How am I to like everyone in my new class? Cliques are the main barriers... But hey my seat! Alternating seating FTW (=

I still haven't told Ivy about Thirteenth yet. Hmm, I don't wanna owe the information until Lunar New Year comes, okay? As Mr Chua (CH) said, it's not good to owe things over the Newa Year.

I'm getting over 6th, 8th, but not 12th... Oh well. Twelfth is new.

The definition of all these things. Sigh.

Very very long paragraphs which you might consider not to read.

2010-01-18T00:09:00.004+08:00

I think the remaining purpose of this blog is to have long rants.

The following was originally written yesterday, around 1.5 hours ago.

Tonight, I cried again.

Firstly, it was after the Korean drama. I got jealous of the fictitious characters in the show. I wondered why couldn't my life be the same. Even if there existed no happy endings, at least my life was worthwhile. Fighting for the good, arguing for the bag and showing my true ideals are so hard in my life. I would rather be the type of person who could obey elders' wishes whatever the situation, or the type of person who dares to fight for their ideals. Sometimes I wonder why I am so timid. Being bred in a conservative society and family makes it so hard to express myself freely. Furthermore, the family bears prejudices against certain matters, certain people, and talking about these things is deemed as taboo. I bemoan my life being so hard to live well. Now, it is as if I'm living a multi-life - one with my family, one with my schoolmates, one with Ivy (or rather, in front of Ivy), one with my ex-schoolmates, one with the teachers I like, and so on. I put on many different faces in front of so many different people, with the thought of compromising to survive.

Frankly I shudder at the thought of a good future. In my mind, a good future would mean being able to express myself freely, being rich and comfortable, having at least a bachelor degree (or something like that), having an ideal (or close-to) spouse and having two or three children. Actually the list runs on. Even that is hard to achieve. I am being realistic here, and not pessimistic as what everyone (well, almost anyway) may think. I cannot imagine that there will be a day when I tell my parents I am not heterosexual. My parents are the ones, other than normal friends, who are least informed of the state of mind their child is in. That is a great barrier which I, till now, could not think of a humane solution to.

Just now my father told me to sleep. To put it in a better picture, I would say he ordered me to sleep. I do not wish to sleep. As for the fact I am still awake and writing this now, I do not think he is aware. As my mother had put it plainly to her sister one day when we were in Batam, she thought my father acted like a kid sometimes. I concur with that. I think the act of ordering me to sleep feels like a child throwing tantrum when something is not done his way.

However, the point above is to illustrate my point of view. It seems to me that the fact that I have not tried to disobey my parents (in a serious, major way) shows that I am courageous. You, as the reader of this appeal, may disagree, pointing out that it might be well that I am timid to do so, that this is only a source of comfort for my ugly environment. I beg to differ. Under an extremely conservative influence since young, obeying elders' instructions does not imply timidity in nature. The fact that I want my life to be worthwhile shows that I am courageous and able to withstand these environmental pressures.

That being said, can you infer why I had never confessed my true feelings for anybody, especially the boys I like(d), the whole lot of them except one (ha, ha)? I'm not expected to have a boyfriend until I undertake university education (and much less a girlfriend till I die).

Life sucks. Big time.

P.S.: Having Sion as the mentor does not help at all. Who's there to listen to me other than Ivy and the pastoral counsellor?

P.P.S.: And this, as Ivy knows... Having people I like the non-friendly way sitting around me sucks bad. Very bad. (It's not just one person, think on in the not-only-one and non-heterosexual direction...)

Another goodbye

2010-01-11T21:37:00.002+08:00

I know that it's just the beginning of the new year and should not be the time for goodbyes. However I'm going to say goodbye to you, jolly readers of this blog. If I ever have the urge to post publicly, I will either do so here or there. For now only 1 person knows my private blog, so yes, I don't think I'm going to tell anyone unless you ask me and you're someone who cares about reading my blog.

Don't remove my links yet! Until I ask you to, that is...

End of 2009

2009-12-31T22:49:00.003+08:00

So here comes the end of the year. (I'm stating the obvious!)

Reflections? Gah I hate that word.

Well what I've learnt can be basically summarized below:

Sexual orientation (don't ask me why unless you're Ivy, in which case there shouldn't be a question).
Talking about secrets to girls, except Ivy, deflates ego. Period.
I shouldn't trust people so much. In fact, I think I should trust the people I 'hate', and distrust the people I 'love'.
To get something you've to fight for it. But know your limits. (Go----d.)
I am in constant need of money, be it for family or for self-improvement.
I am born feminine. However, I naturally do not appear so. (But I want to!)
I understand the different blogs I have actually defines the "mini-stages" of my (currently) teenage life.
Having a secret blog helps. But not when there's no audience.
"Dream on."
There's only one type of love; it's just that it's applied to different categories of people (that is, family, friends, colleagues, etc.).
Raise your hand for religious freedom, especially in a society like S'pore. (Damn those... Well you know there's no humanity to be spoken for this.)
Don't trust people who've got more than you to care for, unless they receive salary for caring about you.

I'm sure there're lots more, but I can't be bothered.

Goodnight all. Maybe I'll consider staying up till 12am to celebrate.

2009-12-19T23:05:00.002+08:00

I am thinking of selling second-hand NUS High ring files at $2 each. Comments, suggestions, objections, anyone?

Anticipation for M10305

2009-12-19T22:34:00.003+08:00

M10305 be awesome! It's so awesome that I jumped around as soon as I got news about who got in!

But there be blemishes here and there. Song is playing in my head: "God is a girl" by Groove Coverage. Apparently once you replace the first word with someone's name, it sounds... funky.

Oh gosh I hate her for liking this situation. But I've got to like her (in some senses) because she can understand what I mean... She's the one who understands the most - the one who can empathize when no one else can.

(God, at first I wanted to insert this line, but I realize she might realize that I am talking about her.)

Sorry but this ain't a hate post... So leaving that point loose, I shall proceed to the next topic.

I discover I'm romantically attracted to someone else... Hmm. But it is not a good thing, for it does not breed good result. For now I keep it dormant. No what am I saying. For EVER I keep it dormant. (Nothing is as good as dead.) In a conservative society, it's not good at all. In fact... I don't think it's accepted.

Korean shows are nice! I mean family dramas. They're very nice. Very, very nice. Fabulous!

Now the people I am glad to be with this class are: Ya Wen, Wei Qi, Mei Zhen (God bless you), -S-, (gosh I can't remember this person's surname --- okay the smartass in mathO class), will say more if I see more on the list.

(I almost wanted to put a person I'm extremely not glad to be with in this list. Whew.)

Then, there're the people I'm glad to be next-door with (hopefully): Jiahong, Andrew, Faiz, Arif (...?), Ian Foo (...?), and hmm, more to be added.

Okay, class combination aside, ANYONE WILLING TO GIVE ME PLANKS OF GINGERBREAD? EVEN IF YOU DO NOT NEED IT, I CAN SEND YOU BACK THE SAME VALUE OF SWISS/BRIE, SO YOU CAN REFUND IT AT GNAWNIA (OR ANY OTHER PLACE) FOR THE CORRESPONDING AMOUNT OF GOLD.

I'm desperate. Gosh.

Oh yes, I hope the people in my next-year class won't be so... Well, like the girls in my this-year class (kecuali seseorang).

The move Dream Eater in Pokemon is scary.

Goodnight, all.

I'm using Twitter!

2009-12-18T23:51:00.001+08:00

...as the title says.

MyTwitter

I believe in microblogging for now.

One more

2009-12-02T12:46:00.004+08:00

I have decided not to continue with the last post. Emo tone no makes a good blog.

I need more incentive than Cheryl to play MouseHunt. I wonder what would happen as soon as I become Grandmaster?

I'm too bored, despite the list of things I decided to do. MEHH. And bless my thumb, I think it's inflamed or something, due to the bean sprouts.

Bottomline is, I've got nothing else to blog about. Might be more excitement next week though.

AND HERE IS THE ULTIMATE SPOILER:

One more month to school.

Damningly...

2009-11-30T20:11:00.002+08:00

Someone, somebody, get me out of this damned house!

What's wrong with their minds! The masculinist ideas! I'd rather be in school right now, even at night, because I'm happier there! Even if I have to face the disgusting realities amongst friends, enemies and acquaintances, I'm far happier there! I love exams, I hate holidays, and all these I-loves and I-hates, all stem from one thing. It's the house, the people.

I realized yesterday that my eighteenth birthday would mean I have spent half of my life up till then was spent in darkness and deprivation. Now that I'm gaining tempo and there's absolutely no way of turning back, the agonies are worse.

Will continue this post later.

Metaphorless

2009-11-26T22:20:00.003+08:00

Convocation was...Idk. Was only inside for two minutes. Then peeked for 3 minutes. No fun.

I wanna sleep. I can't think properly. After I woke up from my afternoon nap just now, my mouth demanded for something juicy and chewy. I have a feeling it's raw meat. Bleagh.

And then after dinner I was thinking of worms. Yuckkkkk. I don't know why my mind feels screwish after Convocation today.

What else can I update on?

It's probably like the rare food you can get once in a blue moon. Savoury dark chocolates. Something like that. And then the other is probably like...IDK! Tried comparing against almost everything I know and it falls short. It just doesn't have a metaphor.

P.S. My brother is currently addicted to Sorry Sorry by Super Junior. WTH.

Nightmares

2009-11-23T22:27:00.004+08:00

The rest of the post-exam activities, I shall not elaborate.

Now let me talk about my nightmares! Oops please do not mind that exclamation mark.

So far I can only remember a few nightmares. I can't recall any perfect dreams where nothing bad happened.

I've had this very frequently ever since I was around 5 or 6, till when I was 9. I'm walking down a slope of around 45 degrees, before I tripped and fall... Before I stopped falling, I woke up. I never fell down the bed.
Primary 5. Once. I was walking along this path. On my left it was ground raised to almost my height level. On my right it was a never-ending field of cotton plants. The path I was walking on was like those gardeny paths - there were bamboo poles on the left to support the wooden sticks with climber plants which acted as the 'shelter'. There wasn't much sun and there was a kind of floating feeling in my body. I tried to jump, and discovered that I could jump 5 times higher! Then I looked closer at the cotton plants on my right, and discovered they were like ice cream which never melts! I walked on and on, before realizing there was no end to the path (by the way, there were other people walking the path with me). Then the dream turned into a nightmare, at my then tuition teacher's house, with my father scolding/(____) (enter words that might fit in) me. I tried to escape...before waking up.
If I am not wrong, I think I had this dream before. A certain *ahem* (find Ivy's dictionary for this) boarded the bus before I can catch it. End of story, I think? Okay the surroundings were a bit like those around Tampines Giant Hypermarket.
Last year. I dreamt that I was alone in this deserted area, with a row of shophouses, quite resembling those from my Malaysian neighbourhood. I went into one of them... And long story short, it turned out that a person (alive) who was in that shophouse, was actually a person who died a long time ago... I tried to find out more before something happened to me (a matter of course). Well that person...is someone in my level in NUSH. Time for initial? C. Oh and he's a guy. AND he was never my form-classmate.
It's getting more gruesome. This one, I had it early this year, I think. I dreamt that I killed my family and...neighbours? (I remember there were other grown-ups in the scene.) Then my mother suddenly "came alive" (I mean, in actual fact, she was temporarily unconscious while the egoistical me assumed she was dead) and...what happened after that I can't remember. There was a lot of blood, but no police. ENTIRELY PERSONAL.
This one is much more recent. I was, I think, an evil witch's disciple. She entered a flat - an ordinary Singapore flat - with me tagging along. She used several magical methods to unlock certain rooms and traps, like drawing a circle at the center of a table and thereby revealing a ring, and pressing two coins into another table - a coin from above and a coin from below - and thereby unlocking a room. There was something mysterious and magical which she instructed me to get in a final room. After that trip to the 'flat', she told me to do it alone. I was very afraid, with my heart almost jumping out. After I press in the two coins, the C guy from that dream earlier suddenly jumped out of a room beside. He said he was accidentally trapped, and wanted my help. I was hesitating, because if I helped him, the evil witch will do something to me... Or something like that. (I can recall, but it is too unpleasant a thing to say.) Then I wanted to help him, and did manage to help him. However we were discovered red-handed and... Then I woke up. (THERE WERE TOO MANY *UNPLEASANT* THINGS TO SAY - NOT LITERALLY SO, BUT --- Okay forget about it, I'm just too cowardly to admit to my radical ideas.)

Okay. Now I've recalled my nightmares, I should hope for no nightmares tonight.

First two days of post-exam activities

2009-11-17T20:31:00.004+08:00

A week since I posted. Nothing much of value as occurred, I think. I don't think I am going to remember the trip to SIFAS ten years down the road... Neither am I going to remember butt soccer and captain's ball.

But I will attempt to write a recount post. Please do turn a blind eye if I fail at this attempt.

On Monday it was Games Day. Interhouse. For Year Twos. So basically I was supposed to play Captain's Ball. After assembling for a while beside the track, some teacher said that the lightning signal is going to be on in ten minutes' time, so we moved indoors into the concourse. I was playing for Nobel of course, but it turns out that they reduced the number of players for the girls from seven to five. So obviously, I was substituted after the first game. I like the way that Sree treated me during the game though, despite my screw-ups. (Elephants remember. Or whatever that saying goes.)

Hung around the area watching the games, though I got bored after a while. Well, then it appeared that the soccer guys had to move indoors and play a game at the concourse as well. Apparently due to the lack of space, the players were forced to sit down and play soccer. It was so damn hilarious looking at them moving around clumsily, especially those who lifted their butts up and moved around as if they were crabs (especially Teck Chye. They didn't move horizontally only though). Oh, this was a game of Fleming against Faraday.

After that the lightning signal was switched off and the guys moved to the field to continue the next game even though it was raining. Then it was no fun, except for looking at Kendrick playing on the field for Fibonacci. (Just the right guy - a mathematician.)

All the time, I will confess that I wished Ivy was there - to look at butt soccer, to look at Kendrick, to play for Nobel, etc.

After Games Day 6 of us (Ya Wen, Cheryl, Jia Hong, Miao Jing, Wai Yin and I) went to Subway and enjoyed our lunch. We decided to go to Cold Storage after that - I'm not sure if it was because we were too full and hence wanted a walk. Christmas atmosphere all around, carols playing, that chilly air brushing past your face... Had fun with trolleys. Though I do spot a female employee who's in her 40s to 50s nodding disapprovingly in our direction.

Ya Wen took videos of our retardedness. Basically the highlights were:

- having fun with looking at weird products with some kind of a weird aspect to laugh at or goggle our eyes at.

- leaving Miao Jing in the trolley unable to move anywhere, simply marooned in the trolley.

- taking one of the magazines with Ris Low on the cover and criticizing her.

- Can't remember anything else. Hmm.

After we got out, we discovered that Cheryl's One-Dollar-Coin was stuck in the trolley. We shook the trolley, we tilted the trolley, we knocked against the compartment where the One-Dollar-Coin was stuck in, etc. In the end it did get out, but it was a pity that Ya Wen didn't take a video of it.

After Ya Wen discovered she needed to get back for the DeepaRaya concert rehearsal early, she went in the direction of school (with hopes of not getting lost) and the rest of us took the shuttle bus back to the Clementi MRT. Then it was just taking the train home. No fun after that.

Today, the whole batch of year twos, together with 21 foreign scholars from China and Vietnam, went to the Singapore Indian Fine Arts Society. It was a fine establishment... Basically there were 7 stations and we rotated around. In point form (for you know I do hate long-winded stories):

- A male teacher (most of the teachers we encounted were guys) teaching us basic keyboard playing and Indian scale (it goes something like: SA-RI-GA-MA-PA-GA-NI-SA). Had fun.

- Two female teachers playing some song on the Veena, an Indian musical instrument. Veenas looked more attractive than the song sounded.

- A male teacher trying to tell us something about Indian music on the violin. The only difference, he said, was all the Indian-style embellishments added.

- A male teacher telling us all about Indian drums! That was the best one, I feel.

- Visual Arts. No teachers, I think.

- A male teacher showcasing his pupils' talent for playing the flute. Well, he also tried to teach us the Indian scale, only to find that a teacher had told us before that.

Wait, were there seven stations? Or is it the visual arts being split into two? Or is it my memory failing me?

Okay whatever. After that we were treated to food, and then we boarded the bus back to school.

What happened afterwards were a matter of course. Routinely.

Will leave my nightmares to the next post.

M09203 Chalet

2009-11-10T17:57:00.002+08:00

Class chalet is over.

I'm not going to blog about it at all (unless a miracle happens). Several pictures are up on Facebook already, while waiting for other people to upload other various pictures/videos.

Well, even if I blog about it, lots of censorship of thoughts and ideas and several comments by others and several sections are going to be practised. Then, it becomes desperately obvious what I want to actually harp about.

I actually can remember everything that you said to me. I think it became from jealousy to worship. Ouch. If only I am less selfish -

Bean sprouts

2009-11-06T15:27:00.000+08:00

My life's going to revolve around bean sprouts.

'Tis the rainy season.

2009-11-05T20:55:00.005+08:00

FIRST OF ALL, LET ME CELEBRATE THE END OF EXAMINATIONS! FOR THIS SEMESTER THAT IS.

Well, can you imagine having to go through at least another 10 rounds of going to the examination hall, put down your bags at the side, place your ID card on the top right hand corner, etc? Mehh. Examinations never end. Even after high school there's still university...

SECOND OF ALL, I CAN PLAY! ALL I WANT!

There's Mousehunt. My first aim is to win Deborah (in terms of percentage). There's Neopets, where I should play Roodoku and Kass Basher together with other things. Oh and collect interest too. There's Cafe World. Well I hope browser doesn't lag. (Did I mention that I now have 4 browsers?) There are many other games. Gosh I sound like a hopeless game addict.

THIRD OF ALL, I CAN DO PROGRAMMING!

My hands have been itching to implement certain ideas that I've had a while before the exams. Create certain programmes. But of course even though Visual Basic isn't exactly the correct tool to use for certain purposes, I guess I should still try...

FOURTH OF ALL, I CAN MAKE BLOGSKINS!

I'm itching to try out the type of design that Andrea has...

FIFTH OF ALL, I CAN SELF-TEACH THE PIANO!

Yessss! Finally!

SIXTH OF ALL, I CAN READ UP ON CHESS!

Make sense of that pink "Chess Openings" book that Jiahong lent me...

SEVENTH OF ALL, I CAN TAKE UP A HOLIDAY JOB!

I figured that I'm probably gonna spend quite an amount of money during the holidays. $23 for concert tickets, ~$22 for class chalet, and what else? Who else is interested in this?

Okay and all the other less important things I can do:

8. Commence on that "story".

9. Do library CIP.

10. Enter scores. Probably videos?

11. Read? Fantasy genre?

Now back to recounting the happenings.

I realized that it was raining after coming out of the Clementi MRT Station. Insisting that I do not want to take a bus in order not to be late for exam, I walked to school without an umbrella. The other person whom I know of, who did this also, was Ji Hyun from 206. Heh. We didn't run. Love the rain! The other time I was in the rain for such a long time was loooong, looooong ago. 3.5 years ago, to be exact.

Next, the history exam. Didn't finish the last question. However, the euphoria from the last day of examination crept in too fast and I didn't really have the chance to feel sad or guilty about it.

The girls, comprising of Ivy, Cheryl, Deborah, Miao Jing, Wai Yin and I, walked to West Coast Plaza after that. (WCP is just a 5-minute walk away from school!) The first shop that caught our attention is the Hans Art. Well we decided to return to that place since it was closed at that time (it was before 11am.) We walked about randomly, browsing the Nike shop again and three girls bought numbered clothes, before settling down for lunch. It was Curry Chicken with Rice at the Bread & Butter Box. All of us except for Deborah are afraid of spicy stuff, so we tried Debb's first before ordering it. It turns out that the curry is just curry spices, not really spicy at all (as the kind auntie told us)!

During lunch, we were talking about 意难忘 songs, Ya Wen and Chicken, a crazy guy who murdered someone and cooked the person's meat in curry, getting presents for people, and other things which I forgot or can't mention. Miao Jing wanted to pick up her bag from the floor, but accidentally made Deborah spill her iced tea onto her shirt (and skorts as well, but that's not the point). The kind auntie provided Deborah with a clean towel to wipe it off, before we all went to the toilet and watch Deborah try to salvage the situation. It turns out that the toilet was equipped with auto taps, auto soap and auto dryer! So cool! Well in the end the soap could wash off the tea alright, but Deborah didn't really wash the whole thing.

After that we went to Hans Art again. What we did there is currently secret, so well, I won't say now! But we had a pretty fun time there with art. The total time spent on the art pieces is three hours! Woohoo!

After that we browsed around and went home.

Cheryl's retardness today:

Around 1pm: "Exams are over!"

Around 2.30pm: "Holidays are over!" - to which Deborah and I responded: "You mean, exams, right?"

Around 4pm: "Wedding is over!" - THIS IS EPIC. Cheryl suspects that she was looking at some random CDs about wedding, so she said that accidentally. The first thing Deborah and I thought of was, "Ya Wen and you-know-who?"

My plans for the next 5 days:

Friday: Go to school to decorate choir noticeboard with Ji Hyun. And give Ms Mariko the tickets' money.

Saturday: Go to Cheryl's house to bake!

Sunday: Start of class chalet. But before that, I've got to go to the school (which is in the west, in case you didn't know before this) to hand up work and travel all the way to downtown east for chalet. Nice one. For chalet they planned to go Escape Theme Park.

Monday: Chalet. BBQ in the evening.

Tuesday: End of chalet.

Whee. Au revoir.

Monologue

2009-11-02T21:58:00.005+08:00

Am so addicted to MouseHunt! 13% Master! Whee!

Chemistry exam's tomorrow. Since I ain't no person to be going on exam hiatuses, I guess... I can blog?

Will blog random things then.

Just now I stared at the door knob behind me and went 'WTF'.
Today's exams were okay-okay-ish. Well, kinda screwed up my Physics paper and they say English was the BEST PAPER ON EARTH.
I had this sadistic thought just now, to use a sewing needle and thread to sew up a person's mouth. Yes I know there are more than one person wagging their tongues about this, but that one person...
Angst feelings are stronger than before.
I get manipulated easily. Yes, as in the case mentioned in point number 3...
Now I start to appreciate the exam seating positions. To be truthful, I've always hated it. I wanna to be at the very back!
NEVER EVER JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. This isn't a note-to-self. It's a note-to-readers.
A! Now I will go around, jump about and shout 'A'! For some random odd reason! 'Cos I can't mention other letters like...'IV' (HAHA in your face, Ivy!). Okay that example was random.
After I catch the Fairy mouse that has got the loot I want (which is the Lagoon Map), I will go to the Laboratory and catch the whatever mouse with the Key to the Town of Digby.
Did I mention that the first mouse I catch at the Laboratory is the Zombie mouse with the Tattered Mousoleum Map? It's unusually cool, man!
Should I touch my chem notes now? They're on the floor.
Do you want to know something? I've these series of really, really important revelations. The thing is that I can't mention them in front of anyone. The only person I've tried to hint that to was, well... Cyrus. OH and Ivy. (And please don't start shooting questions at me about what I'm talking about. I just can't keep it inside anymore.)
I keep others' secrets better than my own. WOW.
Three more exams and I'd be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (The extra e's stand for, of course, electrons.)
That was lame.
Am I having a monologue here?
It seems like it.
Well, so, again, I post this question to you. Should I touch my chem notes? (Okay, *touch*, done.)
No, I mean, should I read them? Revise for tomorrow's exams?
"Yeah I think you should," says a voice inside my head.
Alright. I'd be obedient this time round. Okay I'll go study.

Au revoir.

P.S. I was kinda sick of looking at Brightman's face in that stationary YouTube video, so I decided to blog.

This is the 100th post! On this blog.

2009-10-31T00:58:00.004+08:00

To commemorate this 100th post, I shall take something from YouTube.

*Coughs* (But not Ivy-style.) Look at that...closeness. But of course I'm also jealous of Brightman's lyrical voice! Compare my alto tone and hers... It's a huge contrast. And of course I know there's too much difference to compare. But still! I want that kind of voice! (Kind of impossible now...)

Today's exams were totally bullcrap. Mehh. And Chrome, I don't care if you can't accept those words like 'bullcrap'. YOU HAVE TO! GRRRR.

I will be happier even if I screw up the science papers in a worse fashion. Now that will explain why three language papers in a row SUCK LIKE HELL. GAHHH.

I'm in need of ventilation space. But anyway, is anyone going for any study dates tomorrow? Ooops, I mean later today?

An awfully depressing day filled with revision

2009-10-28T20:48:00.003+08:00

So, yes, my blog has officially become the blog more emo than Ivy's.

Is it due to the exam stress? No. Is it because the year's ending and the class is parting? No. I think it's a gradual thing, with multiple factors causing me to feel this way. Even my lalaland is crumbling.

The castle, finally succumbing to the multiple scratches and attacks hurled by the neighbouring enemies, slowly collapses into a pile of useless debris. The core of the castle - the heart - is shattered with the immense pressure the atmosphere applies into a thousand and one pieces of glass. Ghouls haunt the entire place, filled with painful images of dreams that were never realized and fulfilled. There is no blood visible, but the silent scream that the castle let out tells it all - it must have been too painful, too disastrous, too beastly a pain to feel.

Amongst all the silence you cannot even hear a single soul breathing. All of a sudden a dubious creak - a familiar one from the old staircase - can be heard softly from far away. The shattered glass pieces stood up and became all tense - as if the saviour would finally come and piece all the broken objects together.

A weak rumble can be heard quite distinctly now. Gradually it became louder and more aggressive. If the castle has eyes it would have seen an army charging towards it, full of anger and resentment, pointing their swords at the shattered glass pieces.

Well anyway, back to the less emo parts. Today I went to school just to tag along other people's consultations. It was just Physics and Chemistry though. The rest of the time were spent in either the canteen or the library doing revision (except, of course, lunch) with Deborah, Jia Hong and Ya Wen.

Wheee. CONVOCATION! I WON'T BE SO SAD AND FEEL SO DEPRIVED AFTER ALL!

EYECANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insatiable Appetite

2009-10-24T23:05:00.004+08:00

I'm overwhelmed with sad things. There's the Mary Westmacott Collection beside me and I'm reading Giant's Bread now. It's basically an awfully sad story. Now I'm just starting at the instances when she's describing Vernon's childhood. It makes me cry, to think about those imaginary friends that the child makes up. The whole story is basically summed up this way: "When a gifted composer returns home after being reported killed in the war, he finds his wife has already remarried..."

The second sad thing is a song. Memories by Within Temptation. I was looking at the lyrics while listening to the music video and for some odd reason which I've no desire to comprehend, I shed tears.

On other matters, I think Google Chrome really dislikes MouseHunt. It refuses to load pages from MouseHunt 80% of the time. That's very, very bad. How can you not like MouseHunt, Google Chrome? It's not even a Shockwave Application, unlike Cafe World and FarmVille.

Math Olympiad lessons finished today. Discovered that Dr Chua has an iPhone. Haha, imagine that. Well anyway I slacked off the entire day. Not good news at all, I swear. I can't cope with all these modules weighing on me. I can't revise for exams at all, what with Literature assignments crawling on my back and Chinese assignments threatening me with a knife-point. My sleeping hours usually go beyond 12AM. It's awfully sad. Also, because of all these academic stress and peer pressure creeping into my brain, my menstrual cycle became haywire. (Just an egoistical example.)

My stomach's always begging for food nowadays. And my mouth's always begging for sugar. Maybe I've really deprived them.

Dead dreams. They weren't really given another chance. So am I.

I can't believe that I actually typed that part out. Even if it's censored (made private) on Xanga, it's still... unacceptable by conservative social standards.

I insist that she's beautiful, no matter how flawed the real person may become in my subconscious mind.

29th of April, this year.

2009-10-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

I can't believe this.

I just took out my health booklet and checked the "Date of Assessment".

May I remember that date that I screwed the whole f***ing thing up.

(Mehh I originally didn't want to censor that word.)

Deprived

2009-10-18T19:06:00.003+08:00

I just hit a new realization.

That maybe, maybe, there was a purpose in store for me when I joined Choir. It provides a completely new perspective... Performing Arts CCA. Performing. Maybe it kind of made me less deprived.

I still remember what those teachers said when I arrived in the midst of the pouring rain and they saw me. It went something like, "Gosh,".

(And my mother just had to come and search in my wallet for $20. Understand how it's like? She only got $10, by the way.)

This year too, what with Mrs Lim trying to fuss around and insist that it must be within the performer's ability to do make-up. Ahh yes. (Now I feel guilty for not using complete sentences - ah heck that too.) It made me less deprived.

My parents never told me about anything unless there is something that could spark off the conversation - about life, about relationships, about make-up, etc. They talk about life as if they were still living in the past - my father working in rubber tree plantations, my mother dreaming about becoming a traditional chinese medicine physician, etc. They talk about relationships (and by that I specifically mean BGRs) only when they see something on TV and tell us that they expect us not to get into BGRs until university. My mother only told me how to do make-up when Mrs Lim demanded for it! Sounds horribly ridiculous, doesn't it?

I'd rather that they sent me to those enrichment classes when I was young - art, music, and even ballet. I feel deprived. Even though I had art lessons, it was only because one of the kindergarten teachers taught at that art studio. It sounded more for relationships than anything else. It sounded like only my teachers knew about my talents, the more artistic side of me.

Now coming to think of it, have my parents known that I scored 100% for that ABRSM Music Theory Grade 3 paper even if I don't learn any musical instruments (but of course I had minimal background in choir)? I don't know. I honestly can't remember if I told them. But even if I told them, would it have mattered?

Would it have mattered that your eldest daughter is so good at these things? Maybe you are proud that I can do Math, that I get distinction for it almost every time. That I can give it to you. But I demand for something more. I demand for you to at least indulge in taking care of your child. While you still can. Because very soon you're going to grow old and probably start forgetting about things and maybe not being able to climb the stairs anymore.

That's also the fear within me. I fear that one day, if these symptoms start to appear, I would run away from it all and even proceeding to change my name. Though, of course, I know my name wasn't exactly something of your creation. But still, you chose it.

Not being able to keep up with the modern day's pace. Imagine how it would be like if I still stayed in Malaysia. I wouldn't have liked music so much that I would die for it (okay just an exaggeration). I wouldn't have these teachers that I love so much. I wouldn't have learnt about putting on make-up so soon. I wouldn't have spoken English so well. I wouldn't have known about Agatha Christie, Michael Connelly and all these authors. I wouldn't have known how to programme applications. I wouldn't have known about big brands like uhh... Wait maybe I'd have known about it even if I stayed. Okay forget about that point. I wouldn't have owned a laptop so soon. I wouldn't have known about English (in terms of language) music, especially bands like Evanescence (which still remains awesome, in my opinion). I became much more concious of the world than I would ever be in Malaysia.

But there are still things that I cannot do. Like getting weekly allowances and saving money.

Sounds even more ridiculous now, doesn't it?

Reading the description of the father's feelings on the first two pages of Man and Boy by Tony Parsons left me even more bewildered. But no I am not going to elaborate on that.

I can't imagine how it will be like for me in the future being a parent. (Of course, I am taking for granted that I will have children.) Is this why there are indulgent parents in this world? That they want their children to have things that they themselves never had?

I don't know. I am confused. Honestly confused.

I am afraid that I will never have things that I dreamt of having.

That is my greatest fear.

And the things before the uncertainties I expressed are certainly my deepest secret. Okay, one of my deepest secrets.

The other of the secrets is something about a dream world.

Sorry for the highly unfocused weblog (argh why doesn't Google Chrome accept this word!) entry.

HAHA Google Chrome doesn't accept the word "google" as well. Highly interesting.

Au revoir.

The funniest thing today

2009-10-17T17:04:00.003+08:00

This made me laugh:

And something else made me high. I've verified my theory about T and the Potter thing. It turned out that it was true, even though I'm kinda slow on the uptake. But YESSS! HAHA I got it!

Mehh now back to doing that CS Project.

Doooomz!

2009-10-11T20:23:00.005+08:00

I guess this proves my gaming addiction.

(Look to the top right corner. There's this thumb-up that says '71.7'. This is the buzz rating. It shows how many customers are satisfied with your service and determines the rate of customers coming into your cafe. This is Cafe World in Facebook, by the way.)

71.7 is the maximum.

Guess what? I have got two major assignments due coming Thursday. They are the Literature Critical Response 2, which I think is 15% of the overall module grade, and Computer Science Project which is a major component in the grading as well.

FML

2009-10-10T17:49:00.002+08:00

Okay.

Today, I went to popular and bought 3 pens. 3 hours after I got home, I discovered one of the pens lack the center ink part... GG.

And guess what I said after this discovery? -censored off-

I guess next time I would become the paranoid shopper.

Unresolved

2009-10-02T21:54:00.002+08:00

In allusion to the post on Monday, August 24, 2009, "Sheesh you Blogger!", the following paragraph:

"There are these few lines on my whiteboard: "flames on oil" and "tame". Seriously I forgot who I was referring to... T or Y??"

It was Y. I am sure. For I decided to write "unresolved" next to it.

Perfect presentation of the sticky mess I'm in now.

Friday, albeit the typical Friday.

2009-10-02T21:28:00.007+08:00

If we manage to overcome this hurdle hand-in-hand (though not literally), I may open my arms almost completely to you.

Despite the personal starting note, I'm happy to announce that today was boring. Mentoring was totally not existent; math lesson was just going through the notes for Probability; chinese lesson was pretty much spent on discussion of the test answers and the answers for the Combined Practice for Cloze and Comprehension(sorry but this is as far as I could translate it).

For the half-hour break, luckily the girls didn't pop down to the computer lab. We went to the canteen to have brunch (for some of us) or light food (for the rest). Were talking about random things, and out of all that I'm afraid to say I only remembered they talking about Ya Wen's thumbdrive adventure and how long each of us can bear without laughing under the stares (and words) of the others. We ended up late for history.

History was spent in the computer lab, and Ms Chua went through the path Singapore took to obtain self-government and eventually independence. We didn't finish it today though. After that was approximately an hour of Guess-The-Sketch in the computer lab. Ya Wen and I had to go slightly earlier because both of us were complaining of hunger (as we didn't have brunch earlier on). So, yes, it was lunchtime for both of us and after that I accompanied Ya Wen to the Boarding Office. Unfortunately the printer was out of black ink, so she couldn't print the brochure.

*bites tongue* (I guess in the end, the whole thing doesn't make sense after all. I can only tell one person why I'm biting my tongue now. It's not fair, is it? [recalls the racist joke])

Spent another ten minutes or so finding the other girls, finding Ya Wen's misplaced thumbdrive (in the end we found out that she only forgot to take it when she left it on her table), and trying to figure out where the girls went. In the end we settled for the answer of the basketball court. After that boredom set in. I was trying very hard to do the Math Olympiad worksheets and Ya Wen was listening to her songs.

At around 2.30pm, Isaac came in with his guitar and Ya Wen joined him and Cyrus in guitar-playing. Later the other girls arrived. When I asked for a clue from Cheryl about where they went, Cheryl said it had an 'e' in it. So the first (retarded) thing I said was 'hostel'. Jiahong fluently played along. It was albeit obvious that since Deborah didn't talk about anything that Jiahong talked about, it is not true.

I still say the Basketball Court.

After that was CCA. Didn't bring my choir shirt. Today was slack. Review on Colors of Autumn concert. Learning new song, O Clap Your Hands. Farewell to thy graduating batch! Potluck. Then dismissed.

It is highly saddening that we won't be able to sing our farewells to them. So what, they only have got 88 students! Not long! I don't mind!

*cries*

Talked with Ivy until her mother came to fetch her. Then I walked home by myself.

Okay, I'm gonna do my Math Olympiad worksheets now. Pray that I don't die or fall asleep while doing them.

We are fated to see each other.

2009-09-29T20:52:00.004+08:00

I can't believe I didn't update for NINE DAYS!

Seriously, wow.

Anyway, please do expect my posting to have a higher frequency a while before exams (perhaps 10 days before) till the end of it (around 2 or 3 days after). Argh. Why do I sound like I'm analyzing myself? (Uh... BECAUSE I AM.)

Never mind, that was really lame. Today we had the normal math lesson, english essay test and PE. Essay was okay I think, descriptive enough but not as much as the one I did on the pleasant sounds I think. At least this time I didn't choose something which can talk and walk and feel. Ah well. For PE we were running up and down THINGS, i.e. stairs and the grandstand. Other than that, there was Captain's Ball. Lethargic. Now I have to cross my fingers that my leg muscles wouldn't hurt tomorrow (that is, somewhere between muscle recovery and cramp).

Did random stuff for breaks. The girls went to the computer lab and Facebook-ed in the morning (when the original intention, looking at the trailer Ya Wen did, failed as the computer couldn't open the files). For the afternoon break, the girls were doing the usual vandalism on the whiteboard (hey I can report this to Ms Lau!) while I went down for lunch. After that it was chess with Wei Qi. Chess openings, mainly Gambits.

Okay forgive me for that inchronologically arranged paragraphs.

Chinese test tomorrow and I have not studied for it yet.

Yes I have created a nightmare for myself. I started it. Actually, sorry, but my math is fail. There are two nightmares that I created. Both are irreversible (well actually I wouldn't want to reverse them anyway). One of the nightmares was innocently created, so yes I can forgive myself for that. But for the other one, NO. Did I lose my humane pride? So fast?

But yes I am glad that I could recognize it well. It's more than just admiration.

Didn't know that meeting these (three) people can make me happy, even if it is just temporary. T, Y and C. (HAHA initials! Loving these mann!)

Joke and...

2009-09-20T17:45:00.002+08:00

There was a joke during Literature on Thursday. Zuowei made Andrew laugh crazily.

Basically, we were split up into groups. Each group was supposed to come up with the most appropriate positioning of the actors for a certain scene in the play "Master Harold and the Boys" (it dealt with racism in South Africa). Then we had to act it out in front of the class and freeze at the sentence "The men stared at Harold with disbelief.".

Ms Koh told us to start from a few lines earlier. So, when Zuowei's group came up, Zuowei was acting as Harold himself. He said the last word that he was supposed to say - "laugh" instead of "...and we had a bloody good laugh." - and Andrew (who was in the same group as Zuowei) was laughing crazily. He couldn't stop laughing and he had to go out of the class. In the end, the group presented last and they had to substitute Andrew away.

Now who took my "Master Harold and the Boys" extract? I don't have it with me.

Okay, anyway, now I'm procrastinating... Mousehunt's performing a scheduled maintenance. Meh.

Youtube video again! Kelly Clarkson's Cry.

Chorus is addictive.

Peace...

2009-09-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

PE sucks big time this time round. My lower thighs are still hurting even after two days. It's painful going DOWN stairs, and walking long distances. Ouch.

Nothing much to blog about, except that I think I should stop hyperventilating when I see those incriminating photos on Facebook about T and L! It's a rollercoaster ride for me whenever I see those photos, and I'll keep thinking, "Where are the hidden hands?" Argh, you can't believe how much I actually long to see real photos of um... T and L being *together*. (You know what I mean right? Like a couple holding hands... *cough*)

T and L being the initials of surnames of each person.

Tomorrow there's 5 consecutive hours of break! Argh, it was hell trying to spend half an hour today without doing homework (because I couldn't do it). Imagine trying to spend 5 whole hours!

Youtube videos now! Orchestral, non-modern music. Antonin Dvorak, Symphony No. 9.

Bad behaviour, hundred points down.

2009-09-15T21:08:00.003+08:00

YESS Blogger looks all good to me now. I am glad.

My legs feel tired. So well now my whole body doesn't want to move anymore. Damn these after-effects of PE. Feel like settling myself comfortably into the bed now, but there's literature analysis to do. Sheesh, should have done it during holidays.

I won't tell anyone where (as in, the exact weblog address) else I'm blogging now. Even if you know, there's no point in it as all of the significant content will be kept private. I only want to look back now and then to see my mistakes (or others', for that matter) and things like that. Most of the private posts will be fully charged of emotions, so yes, no matter what, I think Tim's advice comes into good usage. (Okay if any '02 girls see this I think I'm gonna be screwed.)

I like my guy friends who would help me out whenever I need help in academics, and other not-so-random stuff. They're really good at giving advices and helping out with homework. (Two persons come into my mind immediately.)

(Okay whatever I've written above is just the calm before the storm.)

I won't put profanities here, because I think I should control what I write, yes? However whenever I think about this particular subject, I think my mind will burst from excessive internal cursing. Yes, so, please allow me to swear a bit first whenever I think of it. And by swearing, I mean verbally.

Well, so, the idea of "Bitch" comes into my mind. And I realized a few hours ago that I shouldn't care so much about the "siblings" theory with regards to application on the males. What matters more is females...

I'll let you think about it. Digest that information.

I hate these type of people more than anything else.

(And by that I do not mean The-Girl-In-Class-Who-Is-Ivy's-And-Cheryl's-"You-Know-Who".)

Yet Another

2009-09-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

I found a space where I could do things as happily as I want! Better than blogger, I say xD

So I will be blogging there... Whenever I feel like it I will still blog here.

(Mehh I guess viewership will drop.)

No prizes for guessing where else I'm blogging.

Bride Can't Stop Laughing During Vows

2009-09-07T20:09:00.000+08:00

Bride Can't Stop Laughing During Vows @ Yahoo! Video

Reminds me of Cheryl. *cough*

Regret

2009-09-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

Damn it! Should've known this all along!

(12:22 AM) Ŧĩмǿťĥÿ™: personal reflections + work...
(12:22 AM) Ŧĩмǿťĥÿ™: no can.
(12:22 AM) Ŧĩмǿťĥÿ™: can not.

Sigh. Now I keep thinking about "WHY DID I HAVE TO USE HER AS THE PERSON? CAN'T I JUST FREAKING PRETEND THAT I ADMIRE SOME OTHER PERSON? LIKE MY MOTHER?" - the English SA Essay that we had to write last week.

Sheesh me. MUST.REMEMBER.THAT.WORK+PERSONALTHOUGHTS=CANNOT.

FISHHHHH!

爱

2009-09-06T19:15:00.004+08:00

好想这样跑掉，把这些回忆都抛到九霄云外。这里除了伤感，还是伤感。这里不但没给我力量，还把我该有的力量都消耗了。

为什么我每天都在幻想着我终于把这些可恶的东西都去除了？难道我这样也好受吗？每天都被自己的良心谴责？每天都要对着这些自称好人的东西，我好受吗？

也许是因为这个，我才坚持不相信上帝的存在。如果真有，我干脆就死后下地狱吧。反正已经受过这么多的痛苦，我也没什么好怕了。

他们也许临死，也会对着我说他们一直以来都是爱着我的。但是，难道他们不晓得爱对对方带来的痛苦吗？还是，他们太自私了！

我真的没法逃掉这残酷的事实吗？

孩子不是你们两个的——他也是其他人的朋友、其他人的同学、其他人的学生、其他人的爱人、其他人的父母、社会的一分子、国家的公民。

不是因为孩子是你生的，你就可以掌控他的一生。

Dilemma gone.

2009-09-05T13:19:00.001+08:00

The following post is supposed to be something else but it ended up not being mentioned. All I mentioned were the possible factors. If only I mentioned that main thing I could have used "Dekat di mata, jauh di hati".

The dilemma isn't mentioned - it's more or less solved in my mind, I think...

It does not matter with or without the b*tch (in my most honest opinion). Of course I admit I feel hurt but without her, I will still feel hurt. The pain she caused is only temporary. The same amount of pain will still haunt me.

Never have I come across another person who is as perfect as that certain person (not the b*tch). Whenever I think about the person I can only go "wahh" and leave my mouth hanging open. Of course I don't believe that anything can be 100% perfect, but I believe the person has come that close (as far as I know). However, coming across such a person does have its price, and I say it's the pain that will haunt me perhaps until the end of... dunno. This year? 2013? My lifetime?

I'm not jealous of the person. But the thing is, I believe I might even do things unconditionally for the person. Maybe not as unreasonable as giving up my life (just to clarify), but just certain things.

In conclusion, it's this group of people who makes me irritated... and hurt. With this almost perfect person, it's worse.

If only that person isn't that...perfect.

There's no money in my socks.

2009-08-31T22:32:00.004+08:00

First, a video.

Dvorak! (I don't really like pronouncing his name.)

Can't believe how I procrastinated today.

Happy Birthday to M'sia and Jiahong!

And an early Happy Teachers' Day to all teachers! (Well it's just 1.5 hours early...)

Today, the concert was... not that entertaining. But at least it was the Council 09 standard. No drop in quality (relative to other events planned this year). Guess-the-teacher was fun. Laughed my head off at certain very amusing facts.

And of course, who can forget this:
(The teachers' word of thanks after getting the awards for teachers' day)
Mr Ku: I want to thank my parents.
Mr __ (sorry, forgot his name! But not Mr Ku): I want to thank Mr Ku's parents.
Dr Wong: (Ms Humorous) I want to thank Mr Ku's grandparents.
Mr __ (again, forgot): I don't know whose parents to thank but I want to thank my students.

Like, IMBAAA!

After the concert, decided to skip choir (though I felt bad about it later) and went back home with Jiahong. Decided to take a rest at home first before going back to primary school.

In the end, I chitchatted with Ms Tan until... 5.30pm. From around 2.30pm... Which is 3 hours. I sat in front of her in her HOD, um, cubicle(?).

*uh-hum* The staffroom toilets in Qihua have taps which have flow rates of above PUB recommendation. Eh, precious water leh!

Okay after that I really procrastinated. Should get down to writing 作文 soon. As well as that Literature CR1, which is reserved for the whole of tomorrow.

P.S.: Dear Jiahong, please click on the "View" option in the toolbar of your browser. Then, click on "View source" (or something to that line). The links are easy to steal.

Youtube again!

2009-08-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

Okay I delay in creating Facebook account. Today I explored Youtube a bit further, and found VIDEOS! Not funny classical music... Actually it all began with that.

Edward Elgar - Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1

Missed this from last year's Convocation. Loved it sooooo much. Still do.

And I went to search for M'sian National Anthem! Now I shouldn't forget the lyrics anymore... And understand the lyrics. I mean, I never knew that "Tuhan" meant god, until I finally decided to dig out my malay dictionary and search for the meanings of those words which I do not know. Tsk, fancy that... I was never told that in M'sia!

And the Indonesian National Anthem! Hahaha Merdeka! Which j's are really pronounced as "dja"??

Okay, after those Youtube videos, I think I should really get back to work. But the trouble is, my priority list is screwed up. Arghs.

Need to swear less. Even with those words I thought I'll never say.

Timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

2009-08-25T21:15:00.000+08:00

Again, Ya Wen wonders what those capital standalone letters represent. Okay, if they are people, if possible I will give initials, of family names (most of the time) or personal names. The 'T' in the last post does not refer to Tim, thank you.

Today... Played basketball, badminton, and then after all those, captain's ball during PE!

Okay I've no strength to blog about today. Cheryl, are you really that desperate for bribes?

P.S.: The m's in the title remind me of Macs. Hmm.

Sheesh you Blogger!

2009-08-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

Someday I'll make it a point to shift to somewhere else other than Blogger. Blogger sucks! Why does it give me this kind of a posting page? AH! *failed attempt to strangle Blogger*

Completed Journal. Found it so hard to catch Ms Lau... Just to catch her only. Sigh, failure.

I hope I don't have to do much catching up for Math. Missing 2 hours of lessons for Math is not fun at all. And missing just one lesson of History makes understanding quarter of Cheryl's mindmap impossible. (Okay, just exaggeration! But seriously, "Humanitarian reasons: SELF-INTEREST!" = ??

For tomorrow, there will be 5.5 hours of break again. Sigh. Hope I can spend the time well... Like on 课前练习 or Literature reflection.

OH and I promised Cheryl I'll join Facebook on Wednesday... Sheesh. Sheesh me for trying so hard to resist it!

There are these few lines on my whiteboard: "flames on oil" and "tame". Seriously I forgot who I was referring to... T or Y?? Or no specific persons but just a stereotype?

Okay there's my very lame update. Hope this week won't be killer. I still need to mull over things that I've done and not done. Like, 1) Go through the conversation with Tim again, 2) Do TWO freaking math olympiad worksheets, 3) Go through other various chat logs, etc.

Hmm done. Au revoir.

Censoring

2009-08-23T13:42:00.000+08:00

Decided to practice censoring once more. The reason people shouldn't bug me to find out what exactly I'm trying to say when I beat about the bush.

WHAT INDICATORS FOR CHEM??? AHHHHH.

Arctic temperature.

2009-08-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

Oh thank you Blogger for giving me this kind of a page again >.<

Anyway, just to clarify, well the other times (other than those whom I say specifically) I mention guys that I like is certainly someone else who is NOT the saxophone player.

So there.

SAMC was terribly boring. And chemistry titrating for salts is also confusing. Urgh.

I don't want to face these problems, damn it. If I were another person I might have listened to Tim's initial advice. But this... This position I'm currently in now is screwed. Terribly screwed.

It feels cold, all of a sudden.

The Soul of the Saxophone

2009-08-22T00:05:00.001+08:00

Okay, so to update the post I had 2 days earlier (2 posts earlier), I was referring to Ms Lau. But that aside, I think I don't mind so much about the seating. Though that may not be a true sentiment (I've got to go to school on Monday to 'test' out my real feelings), I guess for now I'll just leave it as that.

That I always had to pay for things in my life. Not fair.

I mean, to answer Ya Wen, I guess my actual emphasis was on how I liked the seat so much and not on how Yos managed to move nearer to the front (just slightly...). Yeah and unless Ms Lau doesn't look at things we submit immediately, she wasn't considering my feelings at all. She would know. Really.

That aside, today, Ya Wen and I were total geeks by saying that we hate to miss lessons. And to think that those who wanted to skip lessons (Ivy & Cheryl) couldn't and those who didn't want to have to (Ya Wen and I). Like, urghs.

SAMC was boring. Machines are boring to me so I think I shouldn't even have signed up at the first place. *goes off to emo in a corner*

Okay just kidding. But machines are REALLY boring to me. After SAMC, we went back to school and I sat for my chinese test in an air-con room. Ahhh... The test was relatively easy. After that I went for choir and didn't thoroughly enjoy it actually. We had movie-screening but I came in after two-third of it was over. Then we had food but I felt bad for not bringing any myself 'cos I thought I was going to skip the whole of choir.

Then, Ivy, Cheryl and I met up to have dinner (instant noodles) in the canteen. Met Ya Wen and I & C tried very hard to persuade her to join us for the recital. We walked around after that and decided to sit down to, you know, talk about who we think is/are the best-looking guy/s in each level in school. Then we went to talk about someone who has so many branches (okay, joke) that whenever we kept getting distracted, we'll say out whatever branches we had discussed about earlier.

It wasn't a fun experience, man, talking about that 'tree'. It troubled me and I think it prevented me from enjoying the recital later. Anyway, Ivy & Cheryl came out with the just-sit-on-it-and-ignore-and-wait-for-things-to-die solution. I admit I didn't totally agree with the solution, and I came up with this VERY WONDERFUL AND BRILLIANT IDEA - which I shall talk about later, because I really acted on the idea.

Anyway, Aaron's clarinet playing was...quite okay, his saxophone playing being (obviously since it's grade 8) better than his clarinet's. Particularly enjoyable, though I half-wished that Ivy wouldn't doze off while listening to the concert. (Yeah I mean, it would upset the performers to see sleeping 'audiences'.) -censor-

Got back home, reached at around 10.20pm, did things and finally came online. So as I said, I acted on that WONDERFUL AND BRILLIANT IDEA. I asked Tim about what should I do.

There are similarities, really. Tim and the 'tree' have been called assholes by numberous girls. Yeah, but fortunately I didn't mention that. He proved to be a very good listening ear. Thanks (:

Okay with that I shall end off. Sleeping for 6 hours and then waking up to go Science Center. Mehh.

Murray Perahia - Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata Movement 3

2009-08-19T22:12:00.001+08:00

Shoot, Shag or Marry.

2009-08-19T21:52:00.002+08:00

Okay first I'll jump in my own room until I calm down!

-after a while- Okay jumping seriously failed. Ended up doing 4 lame push-ups - without my arms giving out the 'crack' sound. Haha yay.

Anyway, me is excited about Friday evening! -censor-

On a sidenote, though, I really don't like Ms Lau changing my seat. Yeah other than the thing about Yos now being in front of me, I really liked that original seat because it was with Deborah, Shi Ni and Gabriel! I mean, it's my true sentiments okay! Very true! And I'd do anything to get that seat back! And tis' not an exaggeration! I mean, come on, Yos just complained that he doesn't want to sit at the back, and in the end I have to give up the seat that I really like VERY MUCH (that I'll rather Major in Literature than this horrible thing happening to me) just because of that complaint which came without an explanation?

So I thought I will definitely enjoy her presence back. But now, no... I'll never have the kind of mindset from the motherly point of view... Never.

Which leads me to think about the compromises I have to make again. And again. And again.

So, for example, if I still can't accept the role of being a parent in the future, I can forget about that 'I want to have at least 3 kids' wish. Like, in your dreams.

First hyperventilation, now it comes to uncontrollable sobbing.

Let me get something to bite on. Like... *stares down at my fingers, hands and wrists*.

[edit]
The thing about being a parent stems from the person who was missing for quite some time last semester. Just to clarify, kay? (In case anyone can't understand or misunderstands.)
[/edit]

Explicitly true...

2009-08-18T22:49:00.002+08:00

Okay! So someday I'm really going to make (yet) another blog, a locked one, which contains all the EXPLICIT TRUE sentiments about almost every blog post that I made since I first had a blog.

Originally I thought I wanted nobody to read those sentiments, but maybe I should let privileged ones read them.

Eh wait no. Opinions are scary.

All the questions that you may have thought of while reading the last post:
1. What's C? - Christianity
2. What does black murky water refer to? - Something like a trap. And we know it's a trap, but we still dive into it, and once we enter it, it hurts (A LOT). That's why, blood. We bleed.
3. What's with that exclamation mark after the word 'black'? - I was trying to be lame by suggesting uhh, people like Cheryl's cousin...
4. Who's the kissable guy? - Sorry to disappoint you, but he's just not sexy enough... But uhm, well I'm not going to say.... SORRY, KAY! *angry face*
5. Who's the other more sexy guy then? - *the idea of censoring this is ironic*

And I will never come to know the truth...

2009-08-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

I think I'm really going to post this...

It's easier to bear with... At least it isn't anything to do with C. But still, they come from the same origin... What's wrong with my mind and them? Why do they choose to haunt me?

[edit]
well it turns out that it's C [uhm carbon!] after all... And urgh, both of them looks sexy, though in their own ways different... One looks so kissable and another looks so HOT, SO SIMPLY HOT, that I think I feel tempted... Oh stop the sexual hormones from running wild.

Okay, notes from a weekend done, now this sudden revelation.

One, two, three, dive! And we will all dive into that murky black(!) water... Deep down inside... It's blood red.

So we will swim in our own blood, saying that we will enjoy the dive and swim, but no, we will never surface... We might not drown, but we will never see light again. For the sky's now blood red...

What the bloody hell. Yeah, if hell's not bloody, then is heaven?

Okay me is getting random. Methinks me should stop thinking that answers would drop down from the sky. Let's sleep, man. (Oh no, I'm not asking anyone to sleep with me.)

So why did no one tell me about it?

2009-08-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

Well Blogger decided to screw up on me again...

Now, I shall just talk about something I'm so pissed off about. If only I can be present at that time... Nah I won't punch people. But at least they are "spared" from something I view as very... girl-like-jealousy-ish.

Why do people keep quiet (and not tell me)? Now that I know, from a certain source, I say, someday, these girls make me dig up my whole grave and force me inside it. (Though, more accurately, I believe certain *other* people would have done that before them.)

Fine. They dig double-grave for me then. (=.=")

-censor-

Back to main topic. I get irked by their characters... Why the **** (up to your imagination, though actually, right here, I'd say the f word) do they want to behave that way? Singaporean kia-su traits, is it? Urgh. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people. Horrible people.
(I never copied and pasted here. I swear.)

I will learn how to say it in front of people without being mocked. Maybe everyone will stare at me, but that's it. I want to live my own life without being controlled by other people. Without being manipulated.

A broken doll. (The words, 'Wayang kulit', suddenly pop into my head.)

It all boils down to this.

2009-08-11T14:07:00.003+08:00

When I'm back at home, I should really *somehow* upload the Funeral March that Beethoven wrote in his Third Symphony, Eroica. It's so wonderfully...saddening to hear. Awful, brings about pain and even more painful memories. (Oh I just realized, switch the "e" and "s" at the back and you get "memorise" - typo just now.)

To ~~celebrate~~ mourn the death of a great person. "A great funeral march written to mourn the death of an equally great person," that's how I picture Beethoven saying it (maybe in German).

But no, here I am talking about a great memory. It didn't end with a big bang, but too much foam... A spasm...

Alright, let's not talk about the emotional things. Construction sounds ringing in my ears. If not for my sensitivity to sunlight and dust and all those things, I might really want to work as perhaps, a construction site supervisor? It's all hereditary, really. Just walk the path designed for you, and don't think otherwise.

Bored now. Pissed with Gabriel for asking me to spend time on this...stupid project which we originally came up with as a joke.

It must die beautifully. Not with foam and spasm. It must. (And then we'll see how beautfully it will haunt. (Sense the sarcasm...)

Oh and on a sidenote, BLOGGER RESTORED ITS POSTING PAGE! HOOOOOORAY!

Distinctions... Hmm...

2009-08-09T14:17:00.000+08:00

Heh I shouldn't go around underestimating a certain person's ability. Oh well. Anyway... The fact that he could do such a thing, when I can't even take an exam, shows that I was darned wrong. Oh though I'm sure I could beat him in theory.

But then again, who am I to compare with him?

Smiling is contagious. Yeah.

2009-08-07T22:48:00.003+08:00

-I am censoring this whole thing. Forget about national day concert since singing S'porean songs when I'm not S'porean makes me puke.-

Happy

2009-08-01T21:13:00.001+08:00

Managed to feel happy yesterday. Was on the high. But then of course, things came CRASHING and WHOOPING. Happened almost simultaneously... I can't describe those feelings. Maybe they're mixed, after all.

Yeah so unfortunately I was spotted. Unless that person's face is facing some other (worldly) directions, I can't describe the events in detail.

Event 1: I thought I saw, and then yes, it's true! And goodness I decided to take that way. But in the end, out of frustration for group walking, I decided to forget about it.
(Yes, well, I hate people who walk in groups because they walk so SLOWLY.)

Event 2: I knew long time ago that my presence was acknowledged. I think, I can finally rest in peace. Die without regrets. Whatever. *feels the long, extended sigh of relief coming out of my mouth*

I hate homework! Hate next week's schedule! Urgh!

Of Whims.

2009-07-27T16:17:00.001+08:00

After writing 16 times of "Never ever trust ____.", I decided that my hand is tired and I don't need to waste that much ink on her. (Refer to this blogpost).

Silly me.

Now due to Ivy's request, I shall just go and update the links.

I still constantly pray for your forgiveness... Though I still don't know what I'd done wrong.

My heart wants, more than anything else, is your acceptance. It's becoming an obsession now. But my brain refuses to be led by the heart. Damn it.

Sinking ship

2009-07-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

I just realized.

I'm sinking. And no words can come from my mouth.

Have I even battled?

Maimed

2009-07-25T23:45:00.002+08:00

Lucky I don't have Math Olympiad today. But CS Assignment is still screwish, can't even figure out where to find those darned Keyboard Access Keys. AHHHHH! (Head crashes into wall.)

And the Math teachers didn't upload tutorial solutions onto eSpace at all. *sniff*

I feel so weird singing NDP songs, since I'm not Singaporean. I am conciously aware of that. Old and new. But new one's funny. Electrico? Seriously? Wow.

And YAY! Wednesday is a no-school day. YAY!

I feel an urge to program something. I don't know what though. Random thoughts.

-don't know which parts to censor. ended up censoring the whole thing which is not good.-
Since Blogger still won't unscrew the posting page for me, I shall just TRY formatting with HTML code.

So... Obviously you treat me worse than a human. Even I treat my teddy bear better than that. Am I a creature with no feelings? Am I just a doll for people to mess about with? Am I just that person whom people can push about and ignore? To be sacrificed in merry-making? MERRY-MAKING?

I want to use the F word. Desperately.

Solace & Sanctuary

2009-07-22T22:43:00.003+08:00

Which parent will threaten their child (kindergarten kid somemore) to put chili into their mouth?

I know this post is late by 2 days. But the Blogger posting page still hasn't been unscrewed.

"... will come as a solace, will embrace me and my hurt soul..."
"... is ageless, it can neither be washed away nor be worn out by time..."
"beckoning of the hands"
"... as my refuge, my sanctuary..."
"it will stay with me - within me - forever"

There. For obvious reasons I'm not describing any God.

But I am deprived of those hands, definitely.

The Rose and the Yew Tree

2009-07-20T21:14:00.002+08:00

Finished this romance novel today. Cried at the end.

One lesson I learnt from this is that humans always try to obstinately stick to the path they think they belong to. But actually, there exists a better path.

Sad story! Plot's the usual runaway bride. But oh, strange characters.

Haha, they just released the booklist.

I've read Cards on the Table before, but as for Cat Among the Pigeons, I almost read it, but I abandoned reading it just because the start was too boring.

So, other books I've read include To Kill A Mockingbird (duh) and Kira-Kira. That makes 3 books, just nice!

I shall do a post later, depending on when Blogger decides to unscrew this new post page for me. I can't do formatting or anything else at all.

Left-handedness

2009-07-15T22:41:00.004+08:00

I blog more regularly whenever there's stress. A-ha, so if there are any readers of this blog, wish that I'd have stress. Nah kidding, or else I'd really just stop posting.

Women are fickle-minded. Really. *Stares at the conversation window...*

Why is there so much homework to be passed up on Friday! Why!

I still find left-handed people hard to get used to, including my brother. And my mother (she puts forks on the left side of the plate). Seriously. (A watch on right hand, really...)

Censorship is fun man! Let's see who finds out.

Public information. Oh yeah, who knows if K is left-handed? Because it looks like it.

Oh yeah, Teacher didn't return my black marker. Must remember. Haha.

Let me finish my Chemistry Tutorial...

P.S.: I am desperate for tags.

A longing...

2009-07-14T23:37:00.003+08:00

Before I forget, let me post this little thing I thought up of on my way home.

Tell me that you're tired and I'll let you rest.
Tell me that you're lonely and I'll lean against you.
Tell me that you're hungry and I'll give you food.
Tell me that you love me and I'll...

tell you that I love you too.
(No, it's not "tell me that you love me and I'll love you too". Doesn't make sense, does it?)

But nahh, it just shows my longing for familial love. They're so near in the eyes, but yet so far away that the arms of my heart can't reach out...

Help.

The reverse of "Jauh di mata; dekat di hati" (a friend's personal message).

Sigh.

Torment. Soul. Lost?

2009-07-13T22:19:00.003+08:00

For goodness sake... Stop torturing me and trying to make me sound as if I'm an idiot.

Right. I'm an idiot to have trusted you. Damn it.

Never ever trust you. I should write that down, with your names, a hundred times or something to make me remember.

On a sidenote, I am only consciously aware that Beethoven and Einstein were both born in Germany just now. Really.

-this wasn't even on topic.-

And speaking of crushes, I know you're lying. But still, better than me...
(For I rather a person who be possessive and unwilling to share that another person.)

Now, what, have I fallen into the pit of feeling inferior?

Heiligenstadt Testament

2009-07-07T23:06:00.002+08:00

When life gives you lemons...

...exchange them for durians.

(Yes I know it's lame.)

Moonwalking! Yawen!

Heiligenstadt Testament! Beethoven!

PS: Beethoven, you're in my Chinese composition! =D

Contradiction

2009-06-28T19:41:00.002+08:00

All I know is that she's contradicting herself.

How do you understand others when you insist on your own ideals?

All bullshit.

한글

2009-06-23T17:51:00.004+08:00

Heh, I forgot to mention that I finished watching Beethoven Virus. Hah! Kang Mae's ringtone is stuck in my head.

Oh, screw that chemistry question which wants us to look at baking powder... Mehhhh.

안녱히 가세요! (Lame attempt at writing 한글...)

Sunburnt

2009-06-22T17:02:00.004+08:00

So yes, I had a bad sunburn. It's still recovering, but I hope by Friday I won't look like a weirdo with skin patches of different tones here and there! Oh, and because of this sunburn, I skipped a lot of things (like National Day marching rehearsals).

I don't want to bother to blog about the time at Wild Wild Wet, since the sunburn is bound to remind me of all the things there. Heh. (And no one else is blogging much about it anyway.)

I'm currently stuck at Question 109 of the Chemistry Assignment. I don't understand part b... Overall reaction sequence?

"Lucky I didn't get grilled..." 27 May. I did it on a whim, okay! And you can't deny that we know each other.

How I wish I can behead myself or something. Honestly, I'm sick of Choir, of GA, of the whole class (with no exceptions to anybody at all), of cliques, of whim-ish dreams, etc.!

I mean, if you would accept me... I'd be so full of gratitude that I might even burst in tears.

Ah! It's "premonition"!

2009-06-12T15:32:00.003+08:00

Okay I finally remembered the word.

That aside, I keep replaying that "Strange Sun" track. A tag I am very tempted to put - "fall of grace". Ahh.

Sorry for the lack of posts, but apparently holidays are boring to me. Urgh.

Ominous predictions... What is it called again?

2009-06-08T17:43:00.001+08:00

Why must I cry like this...

Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll end up like that? Living in the past... In such sadness...
So why do I keep replaying the video that makes me cry so much? Why must it generate such sadness?

This is ...unforgettable.

(On a totally unrelated topic, getting the King facing the Ace of Hearts yesterday is scary...)

(Also, are we going to take any Biology module for the next semester if we don't take Food Science?)

Déjà vu

2009-06-04T14:17:00.001+08:00

Sounds like it will be déjà vu.

I can't possibly stop myself, well simply because... It is impossible. Since the dream is definitely much more impossible, what's the use of stopping it?

Makes perfect sense to me. O.O

Okay that subject aside, I'm procrastinating at my work. Why must the locals over here speak so softlyyyy? Especially the girls. Hmph.

As a result, there are a lot of parts I can't hear properly in the interviews >.<

Random things that can be found on my phone and whiteboard

2009-06-02T21:46:00.003+08:00

Fix my watch.
Make blogskins.
Learn piano.
Progress with "A Broken Doll" - halted due to lack of inspiration.
Solar car project.
Read up on chess.
Physical Training. (coughs)
Start the blog about reflections on blogposts.
Do library CIP. (Jye Ting!)
Enter scores for YouTube.
Transcribe interviews for Mrs M. Lim. (Preferably by Friday)
Chemistry homework. (in faint but big letters)
Uninstall Jing. (1 unsuccessful attempt.)

And of course, on my mind... Clear through the junk in all my inboxes. (3 to be exact.)

Hyperventilation

2009-06-02T21:28:00.003+08:00

This is dangerous stuff. I'm FINALLY getting over a crush (together with that minor one), but it's replaced by something much more...impossible. Notice I said "something".

-winces and wriggles with excitement and the impending doom-

I'm horribly addicted to that Con te partiro...

I just realized that Adeline likes Kim Bum... O.o Her blog is filled with his pictures. Makes me like him as well! He's um, cute?

Hyperventilations.

And I just realized the first actor/actress I hyperventilated over is... someone in Boys Over Flowers. (AH.)

The smile

2009-06-02T15:16:00.002+08:00

My heart can't let go...

Even if it's fictional... Sigh.

He's cute. Sigh. (Cuter with spectacles...)

Maybe it's the smile. Sigh.

Sigh.

Italics...

2009-06-01T16:49:00.004+08:00

Maybe it's because how things are similar, that's why I'm crying...

Con te partiro su navi per mari che, io lo so. No, no, non esistono piu. Con te io li vivro.
(I apologize for the lack of proper italian letters.)

Listen to those words, the melody...

Those tear-inducing moments...

Con te...

The person who loves me most...

Boys Over Flowers

2009-05-31T17:26:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah, let me just erase the few days which I haven't been blogging about from my memory...

So, replying to Adeline's tag, I say I'm really sorry, because I've been watching Boys Over Flowers online too much and even been neglecting my own blog. Heh >.-

Well I guess I'll add you to my other MSN then! I keep forgetting. Aah.

I just saw the Progress Report on the other side of the table. Ahhhhh. Fine I shall not talk about it. It's horrible. (And yeah Gabriel had to spoil the evening and night by calling me. Urgh.)

Oh what did I say again? Forget all those days which I've not been blogging about.

I'm at Episode 16 of Boys Over Flowers now! Aaaaah you know, I pity Ji Hoo. T_T (And I don't like the curly hair of Jun Pyo.)

And YAYYYYYY I heard the Italian song in Episode...14! YAYYYY. I've been trying to look for it you know. But I (obviously) cannot seem to catch the lyrics, so I couldn't. BUT YAYYYYY. There it is, in Episode 14! First part somemore! And when it is subtitled, there it is! The Lyrics!

Well I'm lazy to type the lyrics here for now...

A no-school day

2009-05-26T21:30:00.002+08:00

Agatha Christie be awesome! I love Hercule Poirot! Ahhhhhh! *jumps up and down excitedly*

For the last book I've read, called "Cards on the Table", I've to agree with Captain Hastings that it is indeed boring. But no, there is "fun" packed inside the book - suspects murdered! Ah-ha! Now that reminds me of Sleuth... My experience points hit a thousand, and Robert's starting to offer me "Very Hard" cases when I've yet to try (or rather, solve) a "Hard" case. Hmph. And that Patricia's starting to give me what, "Beginner" and "Easy" cases? My gosh. Luckily there's an "Intermediate" one to try everytime though, or else I could have died. But now I only get 1 skill point for every "Intermediate" case solved. Hey, unfair!

Speaking of other matters, I had to wake up early today to pass Jiahong my consent form. Thanks a lot my dear Jiahong! So that I don't have to go to school just to pass up that stupid form. =D

Oh and did I mention, I hate Choir? I loath outings and sessions and whatsoever stuff that has got to do with Choir. I agree when a girl says on her blog that choirs are stupid (or something like that, I remember vaguely). No prizes for guessing who that girl is. (Haha I'm laughing at ironies. Ironies indeed.)

So. We see. There's a Choir outing this weekend. Mozart's Magic Flute, but South African style? o.O

And GA meeting on Sunday. Wonderful time *indeed*. (Sense the sarcasm.) Slotted in before and after the Prize Giving Ceremony. Which reminds me, I've not found the cap yet. They SHOULD have TOLD US EARLIER that it's going to be USED AGAIN! Urgh. Fine I shall post a thread on Google Groups, telling them *happily* that I failed to find the cap.

I've that Incriminating Name on my whiteboard now. But 2 more in the letter count will lead me to the much more INCRIMINATING NAME. Hah. Case differences. Ah, shall erase it away now.

Okay, so what can I say? There seem to be no Games Day for Post-Exam Activities, at least for the Year 2s anyway. Makes me so disappointed...

Oh it will be a painful experience to receive another Green shirt from the GA. Which reminds me of that 18 dollars I've to pay for it...

Again, no democracy. Urgh.

Internet => No connection

2009-05-25T16:48:00.003+08:00

I'm really, horribly bored. Really. Trust me.

In school now. Computer Lab. GA meetings are boring without the Teacher-in-Charge being in charge.

And I'm hungry too.

The internet connection at home is lost. The modem's trying to trick us I think. Something wrong with the DNS server.

Voices

2009-05-19T13:50:00.004+08:00

I am really bored. Now, I'm just taking to reading novels, playing Sleuth and Neopets. See the point?

But I'd rather go to school than to be at home. Ugh I get more freedom in school than at home. I'm bored stiff... My bones feel stiff.

I ended up not tagging there because I felt I should not go against the Will. Going too near might bump me off even further away. I don't want that to happen, not to me this time, at least.

Watched 17 Again with Cheryl and Ivy after Physics exam on Friday. It was kinda nice, comfy, where I could have dozed off...

The movie I watched on Sunday was of a much different kind. I watched it with Jye Ting, 3 Malay girls (I really can't remember their names, sorry), Nabil, Kelvin and Zakri. When I didn't pay for my ticket after the guys paid, Zakri said he'll treat me. I was like O.o but well, so he paid for that $10. Stole some popcorns from Jye Ting. And before the movie JT treated me to Coke.

So the movie was...Angels and Demons. I should have read the reviews first lah! It was so scary that I felt I should have mentally prepared myself before the movie. The eyeball, the burning a person alive, the... Oh horrible, I don't want to think about it anymore.

But one thing I liked about it was the LHC and antimatter part (but this does not imply this is the only thing I liked). It corresponded with real life. And the second thing I liked was the voices of the film music. Or whatever the background music is supposed to be.

Well and there's the Catholic part for me to think about.

After the movie, Jye Ting and I spent time at the library. After that, we went eating as she complained she was hungry. Then, we went around Causeway Point trying to find something to do. Oh, and Jye Ting paid for that uhh, Z-shaped thingy. Not that I particularly like the shape of the letter Z...

I think I feel horrible now. Ah! Play Neopets!

Physics exam left

2009-05-14T22:33:00.002+08:00

Reminder to myself: Tag there and make myself anonymous. Lala.

And sleep right when I come back home tomorrow. I mean, right after shower!

I lost my inspiration to blog. Shall revise my Physics (2 chapters left!). And after that, goodnight!

I like her...

2009-05-13T13:51:00.003+08:00

Since I'm waiting to use the toilet now, I shall try and blog a bit.

I like her. A lot a lot. But not in that romantic sense of course.
I hear a door close.
Why does Blogger have so many scheduled outages recently?
I shot the moon another time. =D
Math will be a pass for sure. But the thing is, I hate the last question! How the hell do you PROVE that it is congruent? Share same side (bottom), one same angle (angles in same segment), and what else?
I was stupid enough to use pen for the draw graph question. I drew wrongly TWICE! Luckily I've my dear correction fluid with me... Love it man!
Canon in D now!
Saw a quote from a book, posted on a blog, just now. Hm, I wonder. Eagles?
Okay, BL2102 only has 3 lectures, 2 practicals and 2 quizzes for me to revise. I shall try to concentrate later...
Card games are still additive. The games I play: Hearts, Mahjong Titans, Solitaire, Spider Solitaire and sometimes Chess Titans. I should stop playing them...
2 exams left!
Freethought is good. I took it as a solution too.
And Timothy told me to bring a dictionary today just to make the bag heavier. =.=
I can bring my math file right?

Let me check if anyone's in the toilet...

La Primavera

2009-05-12T20:11:00.004+08:00

Evidently, I still listen to those music tracks from MU2111 a lot.

Showering time is good time for reflection. Haha I finally found something I need not concentrate on while doing it. Yay! (Lame.) Please do read the following in order.

We should not be so critical of others. We must learn to appreciate and respect others, while conscious of the fact that others' "ideal world" may not be the same as ours. Also, we must not complain too much when we find that others have "infringed" on the rules of our "ideal world".
The reason I'm saying this is that I'm affected. By peers.
And I sincerely ask someone to stop thinking that everyone is the same. I definitely not a sentimental person when it comes to that kind of stuff. Fine, I admit I usually cry in movies when others don't (like, the scene in Confessions of a Shopaholic when Rebecca's father promises to help her out). But, who say I'm not capable of being alone without a man in the future? I bet you will be the one who pees in the pants. Come on, grow up.
I'm uninspired to do the exams.
3 exams left.
A homeless South Korean unable to withdraw his life savings because he could not remember his real name has died in poverty, officials said. The man, believed to be aged 56, died of cancer last month, leaving 128 million won (just over 100,000 dollars) in a bank account that was opened in early 1993 under the alias of Na Hae-Dong.
Ah!
I shot the moon just now when I played hearts! I even took the screenshot! And it occured right after I read the rules!
Beethoven rules! Love his Opus 18, which is a String Quartet! I love the contrasting sections.........!

Sexy slurry voices

2009-05-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

Ugh I shall appear offline ALWAYS next time.

It's disadvantageous to appear online when you're actually BUSY.

And it's rude to talk when you're appearing offline, isn't it? (refer one of Roy's posts on appearing offline!)

I should be smarter next time.

Sometimes, I actually wonder why I've been this stupid all along... Let the brain lead the heart, not the other way round.

Feels as though my heart is committing suicide. Hah! =D

4 exams left.

2009-05-09T13:53:00.003+08:00

Well, let me try very hard to type a proper post for once.

I received some sort of a... consolation last week and this week. Well I don't know how exactly I should phrase it... But anyway, yeah, the response to my answer for the truth or dare (oh well I keep typing truth AND dare) and the affirmation to my character.

I'm currently quite bored. Chinese paper on Tuesday and Math paper on Wednesday. Yeah I should be revising for these two papers now, but do I even look like I can be bothered? Meh.

As I was listening to Lithium yesterday, I suddenly realized that it seemed as if that song is mocking me. Indeed, I admit I was almost always trying to make my life miserable... (Okay, now iTunes reached that song already.) But what if I released that rein...

Yay I just won my computer by checkmate! Yayyy. But it's Difficulty Level 1. And I undid a lot of times to prevent stalemate. Oh well... At least now my brother (and I) will understand what it means by checkmate!

Haha I'm free from 16 to 24 May! No school at all! Whooohooooooooooooooooooo! I can learn piano-playing after the exams!

I should get down to filing now... Life has been uninteresting.

2nd post for fun

2009-05-04T23:06:00.002+08:00

Well that post was NOT done on impulse. Neither is this one.

Random blogging:
- I've hit 300+ messages in each of my inbox and sent items folder on my phone. A significant amount of my time today was spent on deleting those that I felt shouldn't be staying on my phone. I end up having 85 in inbox and 53 in sent items. Hooray!

- I think I'm starting to develop this habit of goingdowntoeat-goinguptoclass-goingdownbyrandomthought-goingupagain. I think it's bad, even though sometimes it may not be random. Like today.

- I wondered about why guys wear black and girls wear white in weddings. I find handsome guys sexy in black! As for girls, hmm...

- I shall NOT attempt the english summary unless I'm pretty much forced to.

-*recalls Wang Bo, with the aid of Chen Ge, trying to teach Faiz some sick stuff on Wednesday*

Hahahahahahah.

Why do I keep going back for more?

2009-05-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

"Yeah why did I keep going back for more? I'm tired. Spare me." - Yeah that's my msn personal message now.

So just why was I going back (to the canteen) for more? Just to get the chance to pass by and see (him)? But I'm sure I can remember his face in my mind. Or can I? (Maybe I can't, since I've this funny condition of being unable to recall exactly how the person I like most look like at that juncture.)

Just why, why, why? (So, why am I so obsessed about him, about this all? Shouldn't I be trying to let go *cough*, trying very hard to regain that composure, that balance?)

I know I shouldn't be doing this (obsession) but oh heaven, no, I'm the one not spared (from this feeling). Not (spared from) him at any rate.

Him, I like. But he shouldn't be like a haunting figure, like what's happening now. (You can say, quite truthfully, that he haunts me almost day and night. At least, the thought and face are.) What's happening now? (My mind is in a whirl.)

I think I'm going crazy. (With all these thoughts in mind, who can't?)

Just stop trying to reason it out. (Sleep on it, sleep on it, just sleep on it... Maybe we'll wake up the next day to find me strangled by myself [I know it's impossible, but this is just an analogy!].)

Ughh. Ughh.

{Readers, you can try reading everything, ignoring the brackets.}

Evaporate

2009-05-03T21:53:00.003+08:00

I want everything to evaporate off at this instant.

People I like and dislike, things that I love and hate.
Which includes:

people I'm still crossed at;
the math revision worksheet;
the guy I like (yeahhh... headache and distraction);
All my files;
The exams (though I know it's not really a concrete thing);
etc.

The feeling's lingering.

Mendelssohn, Concerto for Violin and Orchestra in E minor

2009-05-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

1st Movement:

2nd Movement:

3rd Movement:

I find Sarah Chang very nice!

Random update

2009-05-01T23:19:00.004+08:00

Oh crap I missed the chance to ask someone on MSN about those darned difficult math olympiad questions. Ahhh...

I just got my phone's screen repaired! Yayy. It feels so new now.

The reason I was sad that cross country was cancelled was probably due to the fact that Nobel has very good long-distance runners. How is Nobel going to own others this year, now that cross country is cancelled? I've no idea.

But there is another much more personal reason. Ahhh, I couldn't enjoy it! I shall damn the weather.

Bask in his presence...

The bunch of you don't deserve to be humans.

2009-04-30T16:23:00.005+08:00

Look at my post title if you haven't already. The phrase I'd like to use is...'idiots', but apparently it seems to easy a word to use, like 'boy', a kindergarten word.

I shall go and find out the definition and word usage of the word 'bitch'. If it goes well, I shall call them bitches, regardless of their gender.

Today's cross country and I feel sad. I feel really, really, really sad. It rained. And precisely because of that I can't do certain things. So I feel sad. Cheryl noticed I was emo and told me to stop emo-ing... Ah well, I can't. It feels really bad within me.

I wonder is it a premonition. And yeah I really forgot to do something that I once promised myself I would. Please forgive me...

Well after that failed cross country, we *tried* to go for class outing. Total no. of people: 18/25. And after that it failed, like totally. The girls went their own way, most of the guys another way, and some guys who don't belong to the majority of the guys went yet another way. Ms Li went with the guys who don't belong... No movies, simply shopping. Then the girls suggested going to Bugis; Jiahong and I didn't tag along because, well, she was broke and I don't feel like it. I try to avoid these type of what I'd call, "girly" shopping. Eeeks.

Talking about *slightly* more cheerful stuff, it was health check yesterday. So, as usual, the girls played Truth or Dare. Not that I like the game particularly (it's idiotic), but well, it helps us pass time. Not that we've much time inside the room to begin with.

"Which guy in the class do you like most?" so Shi Ni asked me. Answer is...secret lah, duh.

Aiya FPS fail lah. Everything FAIL!

Hmm, Roy's Birthday this Saturday!

There's a reason why I don't link certain people. *stares at the tagboard*